I Spy
by Koplak from the Equator
Summary: Madara & Tobi bought small hidden cameras to be used to spy on the Akatsuki secret private life inside their rooms. Madara & Tobi saw many things they didn't wish to see & slowly created a squad from people who busted them. HUGE OOC and insanity beware!
1. Target 1!

**I Spy.**

**Target 1!**

Note: This is how it speaks: **"Inner mind"**.

* * *

I introduce you, Madara Uchiha!

The REAL leader of Akatsuki.

The most powerful (and the oldest) Uchiha in the universe.

The real man behind the innocent and foolish Tobi.

A true evil genius.

He has gained immortality with his Mangekyou Sharingan.

And he's immune to nose bleeds.

You'll see why.

**)))-(((**

"Madara? Is that MAD you're reading?" asked Itachi when he came passing in front of his or Tobi's (because the name tag says so) room.

"Yup. See, MAD. MAD-ara. And this magazine has everything I like, including parody and insults on celebrities. I like when they kept calling Britney 'Baldy' for five issues in a row!" he answered before letting out a dark laugh. That was his signature laughter.

Itachi rolled his Sharingan and turned away. "No wonder you recruited all these zany and idiotic people as your subordinates. And I'm one of them…unbelievable…"

"Have fun, Itachi-kun!" Madara waved. "And close the door! I'm not wearing my mask!"

In fact, Tobi's and Madara's personality were not so much different. They both like to make angry the rest of the Akatsuki; they both got many to say, the same appetite, and same favorite target: Deidara—since he was the youngest. The only difference was that Tobi was hyper and overly childish; Madara was dark, diabolical, and scornful, yet still young at heart.

One more thing: They can hear each other's voice in their head. Just like Gaara-Shukaku case or Niki-Jessica Sanders case.

"**Now, Madara, now!"**

"Be quiet, Tobi, you don't want them to hear you!"

"**How can? Tobi is inside Madara's mind!"**

"Man, you're still speaking in third person…I think the character Tobi I made really got into me…"

"**Tobi is not a creation! Tobi is alive by his own will!"**

"Blah, blah, blah, your needs! Let's go do our new hobby, shall we?"

"**Yes, let's!"**

Madara slid out his mini laptop. It was remarkably small that any Akatsuki member didn't even realize that Tobi brought it all the time in the inside zipped pocket of his cloak.

About five months ago, Akatsuki had a 'Family Photo' session to Tobi's persisting request. To their surprise, the camera Tobi—no, wait—Madara bought was the real photographer's camera. And, SNAP! The photo was created and Tobi lightheartedly framed them all and hung them in every member's wall, including Zetsu's rarely-used room.

The expressions used by the members were not so different from each other, except Kisame and Deidara's who were smiling. Tobi and Kakuzu were unknown, thanks for the masks. The rest were pouting or hiding their mouth that was hidden behind the high collar.

But, guess the surprise is: Tobi/Madara put a hidden camera on Tobi's eye hole. What for, you ask? Well, you were just about to witness Tobi/Madara's ultimate two-in-one prank: Operation I Spy.

Today's target or victim was: Konan!

"Ahahahah…! I'm so excited!" said Madara, jumping up and down on the bed gleefully.

"**Where's Konan-chan? She's nowhere to be seen!"**

"What time is it?"

"**Five minutes to three p.m."**

"Well, let's wait five minutes."

* * *

Five minutes later.

"Hey, there, Mr. and Mrs. Sunny! Oh, I'm sorry for make you waiting!" Ah, Konan was…talking…to her Barbie and Ken dolls which she renamed.

"What have I been doing? I just finished doing the paperwork with Googley Bear. You know, Pein… My boyfriend…" she giggled. "OK, let's have some tea."

So there she went, preparing a pink plastic coffee table. Mr. and Mrs. Sunny were sitting on a chair on the table, smiling as they were designed. As a touch-up, she played the soundtrack of Enchanted.

* * *

"Somebody hit me with a table!" Madara exclaimed to himself. Looking at Konan's tea time made him sick.

"**Aw, come one, Madara. It looks fun."**

"AUGH! Get away from me!"

"**Can't. Tobi and Madara is a two in one!"**

"Why can I speak to you on the first place?!"

"**Coz Madara likes Tobi!"**

"No way!"

"**Yes way. Just look at the flashback!"**

**Flashback **

Madara opened his mask. "Whew! That was hard…to be not me… But I enjoy teasing that blonde little kid by hugging him. Maybe I could hug Itachi too." he giggled. "Oh, Tobi…I guess you're not a bad idea after all…"

**End of flashback. (Short, isn't it?) **

"Goddammit, you're right…"

"**So…is Tobi still a good idea?"**

"Don't make me talk sweet."

"**Yay! Madara still likes Tobi!"**

"ARGH!"

* * *

Konan ran around the room after the tea party, skipping on her toes like a ballerina. She lied down on her bed and letting out a long sigh with soft eyes staring at the ceiling. "Isn't today special?" she asked, mostly to herself.

"Googley Bear is such a sweet guy!!" she squealed. "I'm so happy to have him!"

* * *

"Ew…"

"**Konan-chan is in love! All thanks to Tobi! Tobi is a good boy!"**

"It was all to your song."

"**Good boy!"**

"Hey, I helped you finding the right words! At least thank me too!"

"**But Tobi sang it."**

"OK, you got me there."

* * *

"Pein is taking me for a date! Now what should I wear?"

Konan began opening her wardrobe and tried on some clothes. She lifted a bunch at once and put them on the bed, splayed in total mess.

She tried to put them on top her cloak.

"No. Not this. Neither does this. Ew, too pink!" she remarked at each one of the clothes, making Madara bored of the scene and was deciding to close the program and alter to Tobi and prank on Deidara again until…

"Ah, this one looks totally perfect!"

A purple robe, not too contrasting with her blue hair was the one she chose. She tried to put them on which means only _one _thing. She began unbuttoning her cloak.

* * *

"Yes! Yes! YES!" Madara said excitedly.

"**AAAAHHHH! Tobi's eyes are burning!"**

"C'mon, Tobi! Let the fun flow!"

"**Madara's a bad boy…"**

"It's not Madara Uchiha if he's a good boy. It'll be Tobi. Now open the lousy pants, baby!"

Now, see what I'm talking about him being immune to nose bleeds? If any, he'll be drooling and his crotch will stain his boxers already. Even Tobi was actually immune to nose bleeds as well.

* * *

"This is perfect! I'll be ready for tomorrow! Now, the hair…" Konan began playing with her hair. Tying them up, letting just flow down, even tied them like a porcupine which she directly declined. Confused, she opened a magazine at random.

"I guess I just let my hair as it is. I'm sure Pein will understand."

"KOOOONAAAAN!!! It's almost dinner!! Help me make spaghetti!" Deidara's voice reached into Konan's room and got recorded by the micro camera.

"I'm coming!" she took off her clothes again and paused when she heard a whoop somewhere near her room. She immediately knew who it was.

* * *

"**Madara! You're whooping too loud!!" **Tobi scolded his darker self.

"So what? Like she's gonna heard it."

"**Um…she just left, you know?"**

"She left?!"

"TOOOOBIIIII!!!!!" Konan roared.

"**AAAHHH!! Why is she blaming on Tobi?!"**

"Of course, you're the 'good boy'. Good boys peeped on girls."

"**No they're not!"**

"I gotcha now, jerk!" Konan banged on Tobi's door and Madara had put the orange mask on when Konan finally got her way in.

"NO! KONAN-CHAN, YOU'RE WRONG!!!" Tobi begged.

"What do you mean I'm wrong? There's no other person who would whoop like that except you!!" the only girl growled.

"It's not Tobi who peep on Konan-chan! It was Madara!"

"Madara. Tobi. What's the fucking difference?!"

"This is Tobi."

He lifted open the mask.

"This is Madara."

He put the mask back on.

"This is Tobi"

He opened the mask again.

"This is Madara. Get it?"

Sure she got it, she was a bright girl. Unlike Deidara. Dang, scratch that! Deidara's a boy!

"AARRGGG!!!! I'm gonna kill you!"

"Ah-ah! You wouldn't mess with the big boss, would you?" Madara sneered and waving his index finger left and right.

Konan filled her cheeks with lots of air and forcefully put on Tobi's mask halfway back on. _Then_ she choked him—or was it them? I don't know, confusing…

"YOU'RE SO DEAD!!!"

"AAACCCKK!! Let go!! You're choking us!!"

OK, I think when the mask was put on halfway, Tobi and Madara speak as one. That would be mean half Tobi and half Madara.

"I hate you, bipolar!!"

"OK! OK!" Madara announced, putting Tobi's mask off. "You can spy on the other members together with me. Deal or no deal?"

Konan let go of his neck. He quickly heaved for air and thanked God for letting him live. Wait…if he was immortal, could he die?

The girl thought for a long moment, ignoring Deidara's desperate call and the black smokes coming from the crack below the door. Finally, she said, "Deal! As long you never peep on me taking off my clothes again!"

"OK, deal! I'm gonna miss the view though…"

Konan's has a fist in front of her face.

"I SWEAR I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!" Madara quickly added. _Wait…why am I bowing in front of her? _I am_ the boss, not her._

"**Heehee…Madara's weak before girls…"**

"Shut up, kiddo!"

"What was that?"

"I'm talking to Tobi!" Madara snapped; receiving a weird look from Konan afterwards. "Seriously…"

"O…K…"

"KONAN!! HEEELLP!!" Deidara called in despair. Now the smoke went too much.

"Oh my God, Deidara! What did you just do!?"

"I…I just…"

Konan had left the room. Madara quickly closed the door and exhaled in relief. A smirk quickly plastered on his face.

"Operation I Spy, Target 1: Konan. It's a little unsuccessful, but Konan still has no idea there was a camera on our Summer Photo. She is now in our newly created 'I Spy Squad'. And…" Madara altered into Tobi. "Madara is weak before girls!!"

"**Shut up, Tobi!"**

* * *

**I found another way to observe people's life other than checking their blogs and it's more high-tech. Madara (the rich and stingy leader) was very lucky to be able to afford those mini cameras for...let's see. For nine people.**


	2. Target 2!

**I Spy**

**Target 2!**

* * *

"Good morning to you! Good morning Deidara-senpaaaaaaaaaiiiii!!!!"

WHAM!!!

The shoe dropped from the orange mask. "Shut the fuck up!!!! It's five in the morning, goddammit!!" Deidara shouted. If you look more closely, there were bags under his eyes.

Tobi took that as a morning crankiness which only meant that he had to sing louder. "Good morning! Good morning! TO YOOOUUUU!!! The day is NEEEWW!! To the toilet and POOOOOP!!!"

A bird flew circling his head. In count of three, Tobi will sprint away from there. Now…THREE!

"BYE BYE, SENPAAAII!!"

"That's right! Go run to your mama!" Deidara shouted from the room.

"Gee, why is Deidara-senpai is so mean to Tobi? Tobi is just being a good boy!"

"**Well, you see, Tobi. Deidara slept at three in the morning last night. He hasn't had his beauty sleep." **Madara told Tobi inside his head, which had happened for quite a long time.

"Senpai has beauty sleep? Is that how he stays so woman-like?"

**Gulp. "Probably…Darn…I shouldna said that…"**

"Maybe if Senpai use less sleep, he will look more masculine. Right, Madara?"

"**Don't talk to me right now…"**

"OOF!" Tobi bumped on someone. Apparently, that was the other Uchiha, Itachi. "Hey, Itachi-senpai!"

Itachi still couldn't understand why his former sensei acted like this and turned to be a bipolar. Whenever he sees Tobi, he always got confused and didn't know what to call him. To make things worse, Tobi and Madara often alter a lot when he was speaking to them; each personality had something to say.

"Hey, um, Tobi…" he replied dully.

"Good! Itachi-senpai is awake! How about Kisame-senpai!?"

"In…the bathroom."

"He's crying again?" Madara said, opening Tobi's mask.

"No…he's washing his face." Itachi struggled not to address Madara or Tobi by name.

"**Kisame-senpai cried? When? What's wrong?"**

"Tobi, that's not a kid's business!" Madara said out loud. That, too, freaked out Itachi.

"I, uh, see you in breakfast!" Itachi dashed away to the dining room. Madara was alone with his childish split personality.

Right… Breakfast time…Finish…Back to individual's room.

"I know what we gonna do today!" Madara said, opening the mini laptop of his.

"**Operation I Spy!! Who's the target today, Madara?"**

"Hmm…let me see… Oh! I think looking at Itachi's private life would be quite intriguing. I just hope he doesn't tea partying with his dolls."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"Konan!" Madara waved at his new spy in his operation. "Close the door now! I only want to recruit people into the squad who has busted me spying on them!"

"Yeah, like I do. So, Itachi, hmm?"

"Yup! You know he has a mysterious issue with Kisame, right?"

"Not you too. Pein asked the same thing the first week we dated."

"Did the others have ever asked you that?"

"No, I think it's because they're dense or just feel like it's not worth to talk about."

"Pff…stupid underlings…"

* * *

Itachi was walking into his room, opened the top drawer of his and took a medicine box. He studied each label for quite a long time, simply because he had a hard time deciphering the letters imprinted on that label.

Finally, he decided to take two of the six bottles. He took a glass of water and drank the tablets down his throat.

"Itachi, don't forget Bilberry!" Kisame's voice called over.

"Great…which one is Bilberry anyway? Or maybe I just drank it."

Itachi shrugged and head on to his radio which he raided from a dying village and played an audiophile of…

Anyway, the music started…

* * *

"AAAARRGGHH!! Frank Sinatra!! The doom of old school-ness!!" Madara, apparently, enjoyed 50 Cent and that kind of music.

"Wow…so this is Itachi's sense of music. Doesn't sound so emo at all."

"He was never an emo—at least that was what he said to me."

"**The song makes Tobi sleepy, Madara…"**

"Good, go to sleep. That way, I don't have to hear your petty complaints."

"Ugh, talking to Tobi again?"

"Yes sirree."

* * *

"Is that…?" Itachi brought his nails closer to his eyes. "OMG! The polish is fading!!"

Itachi jumped off the bed and ran to the second drawer. He tripped and fell in the middle of the process and since he thought that no one was looking—which was not true at all, he quickly scrambled up. He struggled to find the nail polish bottle but his eyes were not helping him as all looked so fuzzy and like dust bunnies.

"Where is that damn thing…" he gritted his teeth and finally, after feeling the familiarity of the nail polish's lid, he took it and held it up in hope. As if the polish was the key to the Earth's survival.

Itachi opened up the lid while walking and—oh, the stupidity—he tripped on his alligator pillow on the floor (he meant to put it on the floor. Just to give his room a scary swamp feeling). He fell, yet again, and his nail polish spread into a pool of blue black liquid.

He stared at the scene in horror. His hands flew to his head and he gaped at the ceiling. Soon, 3 octaves high or more scream was heard over the base of Akatsuki.

* * *

All heads whipped up, including the I Spy Squad's heads.

"I don't know the nail polish policy is part of his life already." said Madara.

"Speaking of nail polishes, how come you—as the founder of the organization—don't put on nail polish to your nails?" asked Konan.

"Because I don't want to." was Madara's halfhearted answer.

"WHAT?!"

"It was just for fun! The bullshit about it being a symbol of Akatsuki beside the cloak and the clouds and the rings are just an excuse."

"Then I'm cleaning this thing off my fingers! I prefer baby blue!" Konan said, going out the door.

"Do you think 'Googley Bear' will like you to do that? Oh, I don't think sooo!"

Konan gasped and rewind her steps and back sitting beside Madara. "I'm so gonna have you choked after you lost your immortality…"

"Aw, that's very sweet of you."

Konan squealed with hatred and anger.

* * *

"What am I gonna DOOOOO????!!!" Itachi's cry of misery filled the room, even Frank Sinatra's voice couldn't help but stay low.

"Itachi-san? You OK? Did you just use Amaterasu on your alligator again?"

"NO! I dropped my nail polish!!" Itachi screamed. He must've forgotten that Kisame was in front of his door.

"Uh…" Kisame would really like to say 'That's it?' but since Itachi was way more horrifying than him, he decided to pull back the two words and its question mark.

Itachi's cry of despair continued and there was Pein, shouting in angst and for dear life. "Somebody make him stop! I'd rather hear a tooth drill!"

At last, Kisame decided to speak up, "You can…borrow mine."

Itachi was suddenly in front of the opened door of his room, clutching Kisame's front. More magnificently, he didn't trip! "I'll take it! Where is it?"

"In my room. Come."

Room empty.

* * *

"Bah! They left!" Madara grumbled. "So much for our today's show…"

"C'mon, he just went for a nail polish. How long would it take to polish ten finger nails and ten toe nails anyway?"

"Humph! I still not a waiting type. Tobi! Take my place!" Madara put Tobi's mask on.

"Tobi is in the case!"

Konan face-palmed; she just realized how wacky the 'Big Boss' of the organization was.

"What are we going to do now, Konan-chan?"

"We watch."

"Oh! We can check on Kisame-senpai's room!"

"Great idea!"

"**Bad idea!"**

"Why bad, Madara? Itachi-senpai is there."

"**No! That would make this episode Itachi **_**and**_** Kisame."**

"Is that bad?"

"**YES!"**

"Konan-chan, Madara said no."

"He's no fun."

"**Shut up, bitch!"**

"Madara said shut up and he called you bitch."

"What did he say?!" Konan opened Tobi's mask and slapped Madara four times on both cheeks. Satisfied, Konan put on Tobi's mask again.

"Tobi feels hurt too." Tobi whined.

"I'm sorry. Just make sure that Madara hears this: Yo mama so ugly, she thinks she's a monkey."

"**Hey, you take that back!"**

"Madara is crying."

* * *

"Thanks, Kisame."

"Hey, that's what friends are for."

A brief moment and suddenly Itachi closed the door with a slam. Outside Tobi's room, Kisame was scampering away as fast as possible. Something must've happened.

Back in Itachi's place, the young Uchiha was panting heavily, as if he was just running away from a T-Rex or something big enough. Next he slammed his head on the wall several times or at least until neural cells got damaged.

He stopped, to Madara's disappointment, and muttered repetitively, "Weird. Weird…weird…WEIRD!" He sat himself on the bed, his face buried in his hands. "Just what is wrong with me?"

* * *

"He's in identity crisis." said Konan. "Oh! It's almost 12! I better get out before Pein starts looking for me and mistaking me for cheating with you."

"Isn't that great?" asked Madara. Wicked smile decorated his face.

Konan glared furiously at the older Uchiha, but Madara was not chickened out by eyes—since he has a WAY freakier pair of eyes.

Once Konan was out, Madara went to Itachi's room, acting innocent. "Oh, Itachi! Let's have some dango together!"

"Not in mood!"

_Wow, then that means he DOES have something with Kisame._ "Hey, Itachi…"

"WHAT?!" Itachi snapped gingerly.

"I think I saw Kisame got tangled by tree vines when I went outside."

"KISAMEEEE!!!!" Itachi dashed to where Kisame seemed to be described 'tangled'.

"Zetsu? Zetsu!"

"You're calling me…Madara…?" Zetsu appeared from the wall beside Madara. Ho! Bipolars unite!

"Quick! Take me far away from here! And don't ask why!"

"Yes, sir."

"You don't have to listen to him…"

"Black Zetsu, shut up! Without me you won't be living in a Venus Flytrap but a Tiger Lily!" Madara snapped. "And you can never eat me…" he added before Black Zetsu got to say something.

Itachi got himself totally embarrassed when he found Kisame watching Iron Man, safe and untangled. Not to mention how loud he called his partner's name. Sasori wouldn't stop wolf-whistling him ever since. Itachi will never forgive Madara for this. But again, he couldn't tell when Madara became himself or when he became Tobi.

Advantage for our anti-hero here.

* * *

**I think I start to like Madara... he's funny (here only).**

**Next won't be so far from Itachi.  
**


	3. Target 3!

**I Spy**

**Target 3!**

* * *

"WHOA!!!" Tobi came landing on the floor. In front of him, there was Pein, drinking his afternoon coffee.

"I've had it with you!" Black Zetsu shouted at him then disappeared behind the wall.

"Zetsu-san! I'm sorry!" Too bad, Tobi got his face hidden in a mask so that Zetsu couldn't see his sentimental tears. "Madara! You make Zetsu-san angry!"

"**I was just asking for what I want. Anyway, that's what underlings are for!"**

"If Madara is so strong, why don't you force Zetsu-san? You said Zetsu-san can't eat you."

No respond from Madara.

"Madara's a little chicken…"

"**I'M NOT A CHICKEN!"**

"Chicken! Chicken! Oh, McDonald has a chicken! E-AH-E-AH-OO!!" Tobi sang along and did a chicken dance, still in front of Pein who was eyeing at him freaking out.

"What did Madara do this time?" Pein asked.

"You see, Pein-sama, Madara told Zetsu-san to take him away from here before Itachi starts chasing. Then Madara said he wants to go to Disneyland and we went there. And then, and then, Zetsu-san got cotton candy all over him, got peed by a toilet desperate guy, and everyone thought that Zetsu-san is a character from Alice in Wonderland…" Tobi explained despite Madara shouting frantically inside his head. At the end of the explanation, Tobi took a very deep breath.

"And why does Itachi want to chase you guys?"

"Madara tricked him. He said he saw Kisame-senpai got tangled on a tree."

Pein's mouth squiggled in a form of nearly laughing.

"And Konan-chan slapped Madara this morning!"

Now Pein really became OOC because he LAUGHED. I mean, hysterical laugh!

Apart from Itachi, there were other people who knew that Tobi and Madara constantly changing personality. That was Konan, Pein and Zetsu. Even so, seeing Tobi or Madara talking by themselves was still new to them, though Zetsu won't see that as a problem. And…I had explained the Itachi bit.

All righty, skip to the next morning!

"Yay! Another day of Operation I Spy! Everybody say 'Whoop-whoop'?!"

"**Stop jumping on the bed, Tobi! Open the mask! I'm in charge right now!"**

"No! Madara is grounded!"

"**You can't ground me, punk! You're not my mom!"**

"But Tobi is Madara's split self, so Tobi can ground Madara!"

"**We're not brothers…"**

"We are not. But we are split."

"**Fuck that, just get started! Don't wait for Konan!"**

"Whee!!"

* * *

Today's target: Kisame!

After seeing Itachi's, Madara felt like it was time to look at Kisame's. He was so curious about them, I have no idea why.

The mini camera was set on and then Kisame's room was displayed. The owner of the room was on the side of the room near the window where he was feeding his two goldfish.

"Come here, Jimmy. Come here, Cleo. Daddy has food!" Kisame called, dipping his finger in the water to summon the yellow and black goldfish (in case you don't know, there IS a black goldfish).

The two goldfish sucked on Kisame's blue finger and Kisame pulled it back. In return, he sprinkled some dried, packed worms to the fishbowl.

"Aw, you guys are so cute."

His eyes suddenly caught something almost microscopic that the camera could not see. Tobi and Madara wouldn't have to wail because Kisame exclaimed, "Oh. My. Freaking. GOD!!! Fish eggs! Jimmy! You gonna be a daddy! Hey, when did you guys have sex?! Why didn't you tell me!?"

* * *

"Eh?"

"**Ew…"**

"What does he mean, Madara?"

"**He said it just clear, you blockhead! His male fish fucked the female few days ago!"**

"They're married?" Tobi asked with a joy in his voice and gesture.

Madara rolled his inner eyes. **"Yes, something like that."**

"Hallelujah! Congrats, Jimmy and Cleo!" Tobi hopped stood on the floor. From God-knows-where, Tobi had a basket of colorful flowers.

"**What are you doing?"**

"Tobi is going to throw flowers! It's to celebrate the marriage!"

"**Don't be such an idiot! Sit!"**

"You can't make Tobi!"

"**If you ever throw those flowers, I swear we will never be able to play Operation I Spy again!"**

"Eh? Why?"

"**Because we got **_**busted!!**_**"**

"OOOHH!! OK… Tobi sits…"

"**Thank God…"**

* * *

Kisame gasped in amazement. "It's five hundred and ninety three! My God, Jimmy! You became a father 593 times already! WOW! Aren't you a family man…?"

Kisame dipped his finger again and create bubbles on the surface of the water. Next he noticed that Jimmy and Cleo were swimming to the edge of the bowl, looking at Kisame with pleading eyes (remember, it's an animation, of course you can make fish looked like a dork). Kisame, a fishy soul was he, understood their meaning and nodded.

"Right, it's time to play our ballad, folks!"

He put his iPod in the speaker ball—both property stolen from an unfortunate victim—and pressed 'Play'. Soon, the room was filled with Robbie Williams' _Behind the Sea._ Aka the credit song of Finding Nemo.

To put matters in worse situation, Kisame was a bad, I repeat, BAD singer. The off-tune was unbearable! Yet Jimmy and Cleo seemed to be OK with it.

Fish…

* * *

"**Make it STOOOOPP!!"**

"Where did Tobi heard this before?"

"**It's your favorite movie…"**

"Finding Nemo?!"

"**Exactly…"**

Tobi squealed in hyper excitement. His started jumping up and down on the bed.

"**Why there is no one in this organization listens to something more beating!?"**

* * *

The song was over and Kisame's iPod played the next track which was still not up to Madara's standards. That was Blur.

Kisame was a British band lover. But for solo singers, it may not have to be from Britain. He liked Mariah Carey! Well, I could say so because the track after Blur was Mariah Carey's 90's song. What was it? _Against All Odds_ it was.

"Oh! If any of your little fish is a female, I'm gonna name her Mariah." said Kisame.

A bump on the wall.

"KISAME!! TURN THE FREAKIN' VOLUME DOWN, ASSHOLE!! I'M DOING MY RITUAL!"

"Do it in your own shrine!"

"Do it in your own aquarium!!"

"Metro sexual!"

"Sushi Bar!"

"Grim Weeper!"

"Jaws!"

"Inexistent God worshipper!"

"Hey, you take that back, Fish sticks!" suddenly the wall broke and Hidan's three-bladed scythe almost cut Kisame's shoulder.

Kisame threw his Samehada to the wall where the scythe came from. That one hit the target, for Hidan got knocked right on his forehead. It even made a sound! Like a coconut hit a rock.

"YEEEOOOOWWW!! That was damn hurt!!!"

"Oopsy! I hope you don't get decapitated again, dummy!"

"I've had enough! HIYAAAAH!!!"

"So am I! YYAAAARRGHH!!"

* * *

What Tobi and Madara saw from the screen was smoke and dust. Then suddenly water soaked everything and removed the smoke, turning Kisame's room into a complete disastrous aquarium. Hidan failed to lick Kisame's blood—Kisame wasn't a guy who easily spilled blood from his blue skin. On the other hand, Hidan had lost much, but that didn't matter.

Both stood on the water puddle. The hidden camera got exactly on their feet, since it was almost sinking.

"**This is madness."**

"Please stop… Beside Hidan-senpai's room is Tobi's room. Tobi doesn't want Mr. Nay-Nay to get soaked! It's not his bath time yet!" Tobi wailed, hugging a white and baby blue stuffed bunny to his chest.

"**Yeah! And that camera costs a fortune!"**

"You're rich, Madara. You can buy anything."

"**That doesn't mean I can't save, does it?"**

"Well…Tobi don't get it."

"**Kids…"**

* * *

"Well, looks like you lose again, Hidan." Kisame grinned, his shark teeth shone as the sunlight that streaked through the broken wall reflected on them. "Fish rules!"

"Wait till I do this." Hidan had his scythe threatening a life of a yellow goldfish, Cleo. Kisame's shark eyes bulged in terror.

"Don't you dare…"

"Ha! So this is the weakness of the great Kisame Hoshigaki, huh? A little fish? Please…you need a better sense of humor."

"Look who's talking. The guy who looked at another guy's butt, especially Tobi's."

"Watch who you're talking to! Or I'm gonna kill this—hey, where'd it go?"

"It's a she, and she's fine. Stay inside the bowl, Jimmy, Cleo. Now, where were we?" Kisame held a Kill Bill stance but they were distracted when the water suddenly drained out to the door where there stood the soaking wet Kakuzu, Itachi and Tobi—without laptop (Ha! You thought I was about to say mask, right?).

"H-hi…guys…" Kisame meekly waved.

"Hidan…. Get. Out." Kakuzu snarled behind his mask.

"But Kakuzu…"

"NOW!"

Hidan sulkily went to his room from the wall he broke. Kakuzu then used the Earth technique to cover the fracture up.

Before Hidan completely returned, Tobi got the chance to ask, "You really like Tobi's butt?"

Itachi had all this acid half-gargled in his mouth, and Kakuzu's strings went afro, knocking over the cloth coveringhis head and his cloth mask. Kisame just stared at the kid with amazement.

After placing the strings in the right place, Kakuzu went into Hidan's room, banged close the door and there goes the action.

If you were thinking of something explicit, you were wrong. Kakuzu only lashed him.

Kisame approached Tobi and Itachi—after rushing to the bathroom for a throw—glared at the orange-faced boy.

"How exactly did you know about Hidan looking at your butt?" Kisame asked, rather interrogatively.

"Huh? Did Tobi say something?"

"Clearly you did."

"Oh…" Tobi quickly took off his mask and threw it away, surprising Kisame the most.

Madara sulked. "Stupid little, brainless, dimwitted, damned…mother…faggot!!" the curses were too long to list and I could say they were endless. It just eventually faded out because Madara had things to say.

"So, Madara?" Itachi asked.

"Madara? Who the heck?"

"Save your breath, Kisame. Let him explain."

Madara took a deep breath and he started to explain VERY quickly.

"OK…So I bought this camera few months ago and it cost like hell. And the seller was such an ass, he wouldn't give me a sale. Then Tobi won't stop giving me suggestions that caused to talk to him like almost every second. Everyone near the store was staring at me like crazy and even a kid poked me with a toy gun. Frustrated, I use Tsukuyomi on the guy, letting him feel the coming of tax collector for four years, 24/7. THEN…" deep breath "I hid it in the picture of our summer photo and I viewed everything from my laptop. The end. Oh, and I saw you crying for your nail polish."

Itachi went all red and Kisame had his hands all over his face. Itachi was speechless but Kisame had all the questions he wanted to ask. "You mean you've spied US?!"

"Yes, I did."

"I don't know who you are, but I'm so going to scrape your ass off!" Kisame raised Samehada, to Madara's shock. But was stopped by Itachi, finally got rid of the cat that got his tongue.

"Believe me, Kisame, you wouldn't want to hurt him." Itachi said.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because…Madara _is_ the real leader, not Pein."

Madara got a sharp stare of disbelief from the shark-mutated guy. The only thing he could do was to bare his teeth in a goofy, uncharismatic leader smile. That was totally unhelping.

"You…didn't use Genjutsu on me, did you?" Kisame asked Itachi after 30 seconds of disbelief observing Madara.

"If I pinch you right now, will you believe me?"

"Do it."

Itachi didn't pinch, but he punched.

"OW!!!"

"Convinced much?"

"What should we do now?"

Itachi shrugged, then together with his partner, he stared deeply again at Madara who sensed a great wave of hazard.

"You two can…spy together with me…?"

"Good idea." said Kisame. "What do you say, Itachi-san?"

"Anything that makes my life less emo."

"GREAT! More people in I Spy Squad! Well then, Tobi and I shall think over the plan. I'll let you know our tomorrow's target. Hey, does anyone see my mask?"

As Madara's figure vanished behind the door of his room, Kisame with a huge dropping sweat on his head, whispered to Itachi, "What bloody thing did we just put ourselves into?"

"Kisame, welcome to the real pit of the deepest and hottest hell."

Hell's gate has opened wider.

_The Dark Knight_'s Joker laughter in the background.

* * *

**Yay! Third chapter finished! So far so good... this is my favorite chapter so far, since there was the part where Tobi runs away from explaining, being the real chicken himself. The fourth chapter is to the most loved Akatsuki member of all times!**


	4. Target 4!

**I Spy**

**Target 4!**

* * *

Madara sulked in his sleep. He chewed angrily at his pillow and his blanket had fallen to the floor. In his dream, he spoke—no, wrong one—yelled at Tobi.

-_**Dream**_-

"Tobi, you thumbsucking faggot! You put me in trouble!!" Madara yelled as he chased Tobi around his endless vortex of reverie.

"Tobi's bad at explaining! AAAAHHH!!! Please, stop chasing Tobi like Tobi's granduncle, Yollie Rottentoe!"

"Your granduncle is my granduncle, monkey brain! And we have no relatives with hippie names!"

"It's country pirate name!"

"Whatever, douche bag!"

Madara tackled Tobi and gnawed at his head till it bled—which was not bleeding really, it's just a dream.

"OW! OW! OW! Madara, stop!! MADARA!!"

-_**End of dream**_-

"MADARA!!!" Konan screamed in front of his ear. Madara, surprised and newly awakened, fell from the bed with a hard bump.

"Klaatu has arrived! Brace yourself!" screamed the original leader of Akatsuki. Where did the alien come from, anyway? Didn't he just dream about eating Tobi?

"It's eight in the morning, lazy ass! Wake up before the breakfast gets cold!"

"Thanks, honey…"

Konan's face went that comical where her eyes were two huge white circles with messy outline and her mouth was a squiggly line. She stared at him a long stiff moment and kicked him smack dab on the chin.

"Sorry, sis…" Madara changed the addressing, hoping it didn't cause another piercing kick. "Mask…mask…" Madara found Tobi's mask…cracked on the bottom right part. Courtesy of his trance angry clenching.

"Oh no!! Tobi is late! Madara bad boy!"

"**Serves you right, little baby."**

"HULLO!!! Tobi's sorry! Tobi will wake up earlier tomorrow!!"

"Nah…chill out, kid, we all just got up. Konan woke up earlier than us, though." said Kakuzu.

"My body clock is set to wake up every six a.m." Konan defended herself. She didn't want to be compared with Tobi. That would be the last thing she wanted from people to do to her.

"Hey, someone's missing!"

"Bah, the blonde is always late." Hidan said.

"Tobi is going to wake Deidara-senpai up!"

"**Wait, Tobi! I had a better idea." **Madara interrupted.

"Better be quick, Madara!"

Tobi got himself stared oddly by Kakuzu and Hidan and Sasori. Then the tree of them looked at Konan for explanation; Pein purposely made himself busy by reading the economics section in New York Times, despite that he didn't understand statistics; Itachi and Kisame made their mouths full of bread and cereal, eating as slowly as possible.

"I don't know him." Konan said.

"**Operation I Spy!"**

"YAAAAYYYY!!!" Tobi exclaimed, again giving him odd stares from the others.

Tobi quickly scrambled up to his seat and held the bottom of his mask. Those who never seen Madara's face before leaned over and tried to look at him. Tobi opened the mask only up to his nostrils and ate his breakfast in light speed. Once he was finished, in the same speed he closed down the mask again, leaving his seniors to see nothing but a blur motion from the very beginning.

"Wow!! That was delicious, Konan-chan! Tobi loves Konan-chan's cooking."

Usually Tobi's compliments made Konan blush, but this time for some reason, it didn't left any single trace in Konan's feelings. This was also the first time that Pein had ever try to say a better compliment. Like, "I'm addicted to Konan's cooking!" and held out another bowl, demanding for more cereal.

"Bye! Tobi has to work!"

Silence in the dining room, just like how the Akatsuki had always wanted. But, as wise man say, be careful of what you wish for, the Akatsuki felt less…energy with Tobi's quick come-and-go.

"He...works? Hmm…. Something's fishy in here…" Kakuzu muttered.

"Excuse me?" Kisame narrowed his eyes.

"Not your Pacific ass. I meant about Tobi."

"Nah, he's just finishing his drawing." said Itachi confidently.

"What drawing? Since when he's interested in art?" asked Sasori.

"Since Nickelodeon held a Blue's Clues drawing contest."

"What?" the rest asked, even those who knew that Tobi was the lighter side of Madara. Itachi's excuse was too convincing to be true.

"**Hey, I forgot that we had a squad!" **Madara said.

Too late, Tobi had opened the laptop and peeped on Deidara's private Zen. "Tobi had always been curious to see Deidara-senpai's!!"

"**Glad my curiosity is fulfilled."**

"What's the meaning of I Spy without the squad?" asked Kisame, he came with Itachi. Konan, once again, couldn't join the party.

"Great timing, senpais! Now let's rock!"

* * *

Deidara was, unsurprisingly, fast asleep. No alarm clocks whatsoever in his room since how much he hated ringing sound. But there was a huge radio beside his bed—looks like Deidara loves music too.

Looking sleepy asses may be boring, but this one was not boring at all. Wait for five minutes, and something funny will happen.

"Hablaha!! Eat shit…Bin Laden…zzz…. Deidara…'s the blest…" Deidara snored and talked at the same time. Oh, and the typo was unintended, he was drooling over his sheets.

Another five minutes…

"I know, Sassoli-dhana…your puppets arl nothing compayled to my bhombz…zzz…" snores again.

Then eight thirty a.m., suddenly an African choir song was heard.

* * *

"Hey! I've heard this song when I was a teenager! What song is it again?" asked Kisame.

"Lion King!!!!" Tobi cheered. "It's a circle of LIIIIIIIIFFFEEEE!!!!!"

Kisame hit Tobi's head. "Be quiet, you're making us sick!"

"**Gosh…first Enchanted, then Finding Nemo, now Lion King. What's next? Sound of Music? Moulin Rouge? Mr. Bean's theme song?!" **Madara complained inside Tobi's mind who just giggled.

"Tobi was hoping for Spongebob Squarepants! Or at least Fairly Odd Parents!"

"Ew…" responded Itachi and Kisame in unison.

"**Still, so far the songs are so not good to my ears."**

* * *

Deidara grunted. He made a clicking noise by opening and closing his mouth slowly. He looked at the clock on his radio. Eight forty a.m. and no Tobi. Suddenly his eyes shone brightly and he jumped from the bed and stood on one foot, tiptoeing like a ballerina. Then suddenly he sang, amazingly, his voice was nearly woman-like.

"Oh, how wonderful today! No wake-up alarm from that little brat Tobi! This is the best day ever! And I even get to hear The Circle of Life!!! WOOHOO!!!"

Deidara turned the track into my one out of many favorite bands, Smashing Pumpkins!

Deidara began to head bang and pretended he can play the guitar. And, wow, isn't he a talented singer? From the opera-ish tenor, he turned into a complete rocker and he can copy the lead singer's voice just exact! No wonder people loved him so much.

"YEEEAAAHHH!!!"

* * *

Tobi, Itachi, and Kisame were not people who listened to this kind of songs. Even for Kisame this was way too loud for him; the loudest song he ever liked was 'Bye, Bye. Bye' by N*sync.

Meanwhile, there was _one_ person who liked Smashing Pumpkins other than Deidara: Madara Uchiha himself.

"**Yeah! This is what I'm talking about! Rock yer head, baby! Whoo!"**

"If Madara likes it so much then let's switch!" Tobi opened his mask and threw it far away again like yesterday.

"Yeah! Madara is in the house, baby!" Madara did the head bang and sang the song with the lyrics in the back of his mind.

Itachi hid his head under the pillow. His screaming was muffled by the feather inside the pillow.

* * *

"WHOOO!! Now what to eat on breakfast?" Deidara went out, to Madara's disappointment.

* * *

"C'mon! We just get started! Play me more Smashing Pumpkins!" Madara shouted. He stopped by Kisame clamping his hand over him.

"We've had enough of electric guitar solo…" Itachi said miserably. His cheeks were flailing by his face a loose piece of cloth.

"You are so meant to be a meany character…" added Kisame.

"Whatever! C'mon, kid! Come back and play some music!!"

* * *

"Wow! Somehow the breakfast tastes whole lot better with that twerp nowhere to be seen!" Deidara headed back to the radio and played a different artist, yet the genre wasn't so much different. He bought Metallica's new album last month and with these many missions, he had no time to listen to the songs.

While he was head banging, he went to a large wooden box and opened it with a little bit of effort. The box was full of clay and he grabbed a handful and started to mold it with his hand-mouths. Once the molding was complete, the hand-mouths spitted out the result and there was a clay owl. He opened the window and let the owl out in the freedom. Or at least we thought so…

BOOM!!!

"DEIDARAAAAAAAA!!!!!!" Sasori shouted outside the room. The puppet master stomped througiut his way to Deidara's front door. "You blow my puppets again, I'm gonna crack your ass off with a crowbar!"

"BLEEEE!!! You can't catch me, old man!"

"Say that again!"

"O-L-D M-A-N!!!!!"

"That's it! I'm breaking in!" Sasori stepped a little backward and slammed Deidara's door, only to be poured by a sack of flour and wet clay. Sasori's expression became that of a fed up Dennis the Menace's parents.

"HAHAHA!! You look like a real clay statue, Sasori-dana!" Deidara took his digital camera and snapped a photo.

"You…come here and let me rip your insides out!" Sasori began to chase Deidara who ran away like a deer from a bear's chase.

* * *

"They look just as gay as you two." Madara said, not even trying to censor it.

A silence from Itachi-Kisame duo, before Kisame used his Samehada to poke hard on Madara's head—the way he hit someone's head upside in a more politely and less rude manner.

"Don't make such silly comments, Mister." Kisame scolded, his face looked a little violet, just as Itachi looked a little bit pinkish. "If you like them so much, then why don't you recruit them to the squad? I say they should."

Madara gasped, "No way! Not him! I also don't want Sasori!"

"Then what if they bust you up?"

"I will make them forget."

"Yeah right… No matter how strong your Sharingan is, you will never be able to erase people's memory, not when you're not a magician." Itachi piped in so smart ass like.

"Speak all you like, boy! I have my own ways." Madara folded his arms and puckered his bottom lip forward.

Itachi's nose bridge creased at the calling 'boy'. He felt that he was old enough to be called a man—or at least young man. In fact, he thought that 'boy' was much more suitable for Madara and Tobi since they did act like kids. It even sounded better for Sasuke.

* * *

"By golly! You two, artist duo! Shut the god damn voices down! I'm trying to work!!" Pein shouted in frustration. There may be no Tobi, but there was Deidara and Sasori.

"Heh, yeah. Working with your make-out! Haha!"

Kisame, Itachi, and Madara peeked outside by opening the door a little, thus bobbing half of their heads out. What they saw was Pein struggling not to blush after Deidara said the previous sentence. But he couldn't help since Konan walked toward him.

"Deidara, please. He has paper works to do, and you know being a God _and_ a leader of some weird organization is not a piece of cake." Konan motherly scolded Deidara who just grinned from time to time.

"OK, I'm sorry, Mama…" Deidara apologized halfheartedly as he circled his arms around Konan's shoulder before he went to the bathroom.

Konan was fine because she knew Deidara was only playing with Pein, but her boyfriend had no idea at all. "You-you…YOU! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY GIRL!"

"Fine, Good Charlotte, I already did."

Pein grumbled and turned his head around where he found three heads bobbing from a door quickly vanished in a slow slam off a wood.

"Grrr…Madara should have a good idea why he recruited that brat…" Pein hissed at Tobi's room.

"Good point, babe. Now let's get back to work, shall we?"

* * *

"That was close." Kisame remarked. "Now that Deidara is no longer in his room, what do we do? I've eaten a lot this morning and I'm keeping my shape."

"What for? Ooh…I know… You're trying to impress _someone special_, aren't you? 'Look! I'm Kisame, and I have eight packs and big brawny arms!' HAHAHA!!" Madara rolled on the floor, unconsciously dodging Kisame's Samehada strike to the floor in which Itachi failed to prevent.

Tired of striking to no avail at Madara, he retreated, letting Madara got up and back to his laptop. Since he was no longer rolling around, Kisame would really like knock the older Uchiha cold.

"Look what I have… MU-10 aka bathroom camera!"

"**YEEEWW!! Madara, you pervert!"**

"Shut up, Tobi."

Both Itachi and Kisame gasped in horror. "Did you see us taking a bath too?!" Itachi exclaimed.

"No, I forgot that I have this camera."

The partners sighed in relief. Good thing Madara didn't see their naked figures. That would be extremely embarrassing.

"C'mon! Wanna see a live preview or not?"

"I pass. I'm taking a chocolate." said Itachi as he awkwardly walked to the kitchen to take a bar of chocolate. Meanwhile, Kisame was as curious as Madara.

"I never understand human's anatomy. I wonder if his body structures look the same as mine."

"Now this is unbelievable." Madara mumbled.

* * *

Deidara opened the cupboard where his bathing stuffs were in. First, let me tell you about Akatsuki and bathing issues. There was only ONE bathroom in the Akatsuki base. Most of the member used it except Zetsu who even hardly spends his time in the base. In the bathroom itself, there were cupboards from left to right, each door with a lock and a name tag on it. Deidara's was right in the middle and he was opening it. And there was also a shower place and a bathtub and sitting toilet and standing toilet, all in one place. So, yeah, the bathroom was quite big. Bigger than any member's room.

Sadly, the camera couldn't catch the inside of Deidara's cupboard. But the viewers' curiosity was satisfied when they heard a squeak of a rubber ducky. By now, Madara was giggling together with Kisame.

"Hello, Miss Quackersqueaker. Are you ready for a bath?" Deidara suddenly talked with a thick totally-made-up British accent (I don't know what kind of accent if this story is translated into Japanese). "Yes, me too. Whot? I look 'appier? Oh my, thank you."

Clothes off. Now shield your mind, pervies, from those evil thoughts that were coming right into your head.

Deidara whistled all the way in his bath. He whistled random notes that just click to make a song. He let go of his hair and washed them, shaping the still foamy hair into many odd shapes. Like…Eiffel Tower! OK, that's totally weird…

* * *

"Oh my God, his are small." Madara said a little softly, almost to a whisper.

"Huh?" Kisame heard breath coming out of Madara's mouth but he couldn't catch what he said.

"Mmm…nothing. You should've known, anyway."

Kisame frowned. In fact, he had no idea what was Madara talking about. They went back observing the nude Deidara again.

"Holy crap! Look at his legs!" Madara exclaimed.

"**Madara…be quiet…" **Tobi howled in misery inside Madara's head.

"Oh yeah. What's up with his legs?" asked Kisame.

"He has no leg hair! It's so smooth! Smoother than Konan's lady legs!"

"Wait, you saw Konan naked?"

"Uh huh. That's how she busted me."

Kisame buried his face in his blue hands, sighing exasperatedly. Unknown to him, Madara was grinning devilishly. "You…are the weirdest person in the world. And Itachi said you were his teacher."

"That's because you haven't know me for a long time. By the way…I used to control over your village, but it was boring so I quitted."

"Hold on a sec, are you saying that you're age is…"

"I'm as old as Kakuzu (who was 91 or so), believe me or not."

Kisame's jaws dropped and his teeth might have fallen too. His gills-like stripes expanded as the jaw kept dropping till it hyperbolically touched the wooden floor.

"Close your mouth. A bug might fly in."

* * *

Deidara finally done having a bath and was wearing his underwear. For those who might be imagining things right now, his underwear was one thing that was manly from him. He wore black BVLGARI men's underpants, was that masculine enough?

"See you tomorrow, Miss Quackersqueaker." he said to his rubber ducky and put her back into the cupboard and locked it using the combination numbers and finger print sensor. Kakuzu bought that sensor, due to a naughtiness of one ex-Akatsuki that was once too curious and decided to open his cupboard without Kakuzu's notice. The result: the guy died in a menacing way.

Deidara liked the idea of having finger print sensor though unspoken. For him, that was the greatest idea of all time, especially with Tobi around.

Few moments later, Deidara was back in his room, preparing to dry his hair. But he stopped in his tracks when he heard a huge roar of laughter coming from inside…Tobi's room?

* * *

Itachi came back to Tobi's room with a chocolate bar in his hand. He didn't enter immediately without peeking with one eye the inside of the room. There he saw, Kisame rested his head on Madara's shoulder, both feeling way too happy to notice that he was there. Well, probably Tobi noticed.

For some reason, there was something burning in Itachi but he himself didn't realize it, so he just walked in and sat beside Madara. "Looks fun." he said monotonously.

"Itachi-san…you won't believe it… That blonde brat, he…" Kisame gasped before he laughed again.

"Yes?"

"He…talks in British accent."

While Kisame laughed and Madara laughed louder, Itachi remained silent before he finally broke down and roared out to complete OOCness. The chocolate bar in his hand snapped at the same time as Madara and Kisame stared at the laughing hard Itachi with amazement. Then the three laughed together as one. Aw, friendship…

Outside, Deidara heard it all and also did Sasori. They both met outside and both were wondering who would make such a loud laughter they never heard before. They quietly opened Tobi's room's door and peeked in. Their eyes expanded and their mouth gaped largely. Three things that they never expect to see were Itachi laughed and Tobi without his mask and lastly Kisame and Itachi cuddling (in too much fun, not something pervy) together on Tobi's bed.

"OH SHIT!" Deidara shouted, couldn't hold over his surprise.

"Deidara, you blew our cover." Sasori muttered incensed.

"Sorry…"

"AAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!" shouted the I Spy Squad. Madara was totally panicking he didn't even realize that Tobi's mask was right behind him. Itachi and Kisame were startled and even more when they realized that Itachi was circling his arms around Kisame's shoulder for support of excessive laughing wear out. He quickly pushed Kisame away from him, causing the blue shark guy to fall over the other side of the bed.

"Woohoo, Itachi…what gives?" Sasori hooted, his artificial teeth (or so it seems) shown cheerfully.

Itachi twitched awkwardly before letting out a distressed cry of a dying whale and scrambled under Madara's bed.

"So…this is what Tobi's real face looked like?" Deidara observed Madara who dared not speak and rolling cold sweats on his neck. "I thought your left eye might be blind or something, apparently it doesn't."

"Do you have something to say, Man-behind-Tobi's-mask?" Sasori inquired.

Madara stammered, "Kisame, you go explain!" Madara sprinted to the dresser of his and started looking for something to be quite important to his survival.

Meanwhile, all gaze disembarked upon Kisame's nervous figure. "Um, you see, Tobi had this I Spy thingy majigy where he observed over your life with a hidden Candid Camera."

"You mean, he looked at how we behave?" Sasori asked, a furious tone escaped from his words.

"Y-yeah….something like that, I suppose…"

"Kisame, put this on." Madara gave the shark a sunglasses and he wore one himself. Then he thrust a metallic-colored pen which he held before Deidara and Sasori's noses. The pen suddenly flashed with a blinding light which made Deidara and Sasori's mind wander around and their eyes creating whirlpool. "You will go back to your room, forget about Tobi's real face and Kisame and Itachi's discomforting situation a few minutes ago." Madara replaced the sunglasses with Tobi's mask.

"Deidara-senpai, you came! Waaaiii!!!!" Tobi lunged at Deidara and tackled him to the ground while he was still spinning in his muses.

"AAAACCKK!!! Get offa me, twerp!" Deidara shouted. So much for spinning in muses.

"What the hell is this thing?" Kisame asked to himself while holding up the pen-like thing Madara used to erase Deidara and Sasori's memory.

"Madara called it 'neurolizer' or something. He got the idea from _Men in Black_!" answered Tobi while still cuddling Deidara.

"Duh…of course…" Kisame concluded, thinking that he shouldn't be so surprised. "Itachi-san, I think it's enough of you to hide like rabies dog under that bed. Come out, Sasori wouldn't remember anyway."

"You think so?" Itachi timidly peeked out. Kisame swore to himself, he saw tears drifting from his eyes.

"Yeah, I pretty sure am. Madara had got rid of them."

"Phew, that's a relief." Itachi said coldly, got back to his old self in a flick of a finger. Kisame sweat-dropped at this view, but he just shrugged it. The duo then went out of the room to tend their own business while Tobi was still busy choking Deidara's neck in the name of love.

"Senpai, Senpai! Can Tobi request something?"

"What?"

"Please don't play Halloween Pumpkins again."

"Halloween Pumpkins? You mean Smash—hey! How did you know I like Smashing Pumpkins?!"

"Eep…from a…magazine…?"

"**Tobi, you idiot!" **Madara cried in resentment.

"YOU WERE SPYING ME???!!!"

Tobi squealed and grabbed the neurolizer which was just next to him. He shut his eyes and flashed the neurolizer. "Um…Deidara-senpai won't remember anything!" and he kicked his senior out of his room and quickly locked the door. "Tobi is scared, Madara…"

"**Why?! Why do I create you to be so stupid?"**

"Tobi will study hard, promise!"

"**I wasn't concerning your general knowledge! I was concerning your common sense!" **Madara jabbed his head to a mental wall. **"Jinkies, I hope Deidara doesn't really forget too much…"**

"Ugh…Mama…? Where are you? I need my milk. Mama? Mama. Mama! Please don't leave Dei-Dei-chan alone…" Deidara sniffled. He had forgotten so far till his eighth birthday, where his mom used to lock everyone away to surprise him with a costume birthday party—which ended up him being rejected by his childhood crush.

Tobi peeped at the blonde's new behavior. Tobi felt very nervous but Madara calmed him down. **"No worries, kiddo, we can always teach him something new. Actually…I was thinking of making him my next apprentice…"** Evil laugh from Madara, Tobi just reluctantly followed.

* * *

**What will happen to Deidara? Well about that you just have to tune in next time.**

**Itachi made a good performance in here, very lovely. I guess he had made himself not emo, that means the Operation I Spy is helping him a lot! (Remember last chapter he said "Anything to make me less emo." when Madara invited him.**


	5. Target 5!

**I Spy**

**Target 5!**

* * *

"Deidara, say 'Ah…' Good boy." Kakuzu said while spoon feeding the eight-year-old-minded Deidara—courtesy to Madara's _Men in Black_ neurolizer. It was meant to be an accident due to Tobi's panic state, but it gave a lot of benefits to the other members, especially Sasori, Kakuzu, and Madara himself. Tobi, on the other hand, was a bit jealous for he was _the _good boy.

"Isn't Tobi a good boy too?" Tobi asked, jealousy heard much too clearly.

"Yeah, you too. But aren't you a bit too old?"

"Tobi is definitely _younger_ than Deidara-senpai!" Tobi said defensively. Probably this was the most serious tone from Tobi the others had ever heard.

Hearing the above sentence made Itachi, Kisame, Konan, Pein, and Zetsu (who had decided to let go and forgive Madara) spitted out whatever it was in their mouth. Remember, they knew who Tobi's real face was (the almost-one-century-year-old-Madara Uchiha). Kisame's milk tea sprayed over Hidan who had just taken his anger management class four days ago.

"Hey, you know what, since Deidara returned to a little kid—at least his mind does—why don't you stop calling him senpai? At least that makes you less stupid." Hidan said, coming over his anger successfully, to Kisame's relief. Look! Even his speech contained no profanes! Hurrah for Hidan!

"**Hidan has a point. It does make you less stupid. Cheer, boy, cheer!"**

Tobi made a sulking noise, to Akatsuki's amusement. "Oh well, Tobi will think about it…"

"**What? Don't you always wanted to be called smart by me or the others?"**

"Don't Madara want Deidara to be your apprentice?" Tobi whispered gingerly.

"**Changed my mind. He looks too stupid to work for me. I'll just wait till he's smart enough after Kakuzu trained him."**

"Tobi-niichan, do you want some milk?" Deidara adorably offered.

"No, Tobi is lactose untolerant." Tobi walked out dejectedly. Something that even Zetsu never sees before.

"**It's **_**intolerant**_**, not untolerant. Hey, why the long face?"**

"Tobi is not a good boy anymore, Madara!!"

"**Nah…chill out. At least Deidara loves you like a big brother."**

"But Tobi felt lonely…"

"**Hmm, probably it's because there's no one else in this club who would scream at the top of his lungs at you. So far only Deidara who would, and always, do that."**

"Is Madara trying to say that Tobi loves to be yelled at?"

"**Yeah, I guess. Oh my God, Tobi! You just guessed my thoughts exactly! This is the first record! Oh, I oughta celebrate this!" ** Suddenly, Madara stopped cheering deep in his mind for he just realized something else in his split half's mentality. **"Don't tell me you… heck no! Deidara is supposed to be with Sasori. They look good together."**

"Madara is so mean…"

"**HOLY SHIT IT'S TRUEEE!!!"**

Tobi opened his laptop and turned on one of the 'Candid Camera' or so that was how Kisame called it. There was a room, with two big ass wardrobes. Tobi knew this room perfectly, since he was the wake-up rooster.

"**Wait, I know this room. It's… holy sweet mother fragger! It's Sasori's room! Tobi, I think you really are in a serious covetousness color of heart! I wonder if I just said it right…"**

Tobi was strangely quiet today and Madara had a bad feeling about this. Because when Madara himself was quiet, the world was in brink of death. Probably it might work the same, remembering that Tobi can use Mangekyo Sharingan too, though the damage will be a little less costly.

"He's gonna fuckin' pay…" Tobi muttered.

"**GAH!! Bad boys' words! Call 911!!!"**

* * *

Sasori just entered his room, Deidara loyally following behind. Even though Deidara was less annoying, following Sasori's tail around was still considered as annoying. "Deidara."

"Yes, Sasori-dana?"

"Go away."

"Why?" asked Deidara with pleading puppy eyes.

"Just go. I have to work."

"Can Dei-Dei-chan help?"

"No. It's too dangerous."

"OK!"

"Phew…damn amnesia. At least it's less energy wasting than usual." Sasori went to his biggest wardrobe and opened them. Inside, it was not full of clothes, but a rack of puppets.

Sasori just left the wardrobe open while he pulled a huge cardboard and placed it in front of the window, blocking the sunlight. After a few moments of pulling and pushing, Sasori made a mini stage. He put his hands on his hips and smiled in satisfaction.

"Now…who to use? Ah! Hey, Arnold!" Sasori pulled out a short puppet with football head and yellow hair. "I think I won't use too many puppets today, so…I think I will use…Beast Boy." Sasori pulled out a slightly taller puppet with green skin and hair.

"Folks, let the show begins." Sasori used an invisible string from his toe to make the audience puppet clapped their hands.

* * *

"**Yet another crackpot."**

"What is Sasori-senpai doing, Madara? He looks like having his own 'Last Comic Standing' competition or something." asked Tobi. Madara had convinced Tobi to ease out his anger a bit. It was rather successful, though Madara still could sense a little bit of jealousy.

"**Close, but no. He was having his own 'Seinfeld' show without Seinfeld himself."**

"Oh. But isn't it weird? To combine Beast Boy from Teen Titans with some other cartoon guy with an edible-for-zombie head?"

"**You know what, for once I agree with you."**

"Look at that, Madara! The Beast Boy puppet changed into a green pig!"

"**Oh, now you're interested in pigs?"**

"No."

* * *

"'Arnie, wait! Don't go away from me! I'm your master, Arnold!'" Sasori voiced Arnold, chasing over Beast Boy pig who he thought was his pig. With his toes, Sasori made the audience puppets to move their mouths in a way of laughing.

Knocks on the door.

"Now what?" asked Sasori.

KA-BLAM!!

"What the…?" Sasori was speechless.

"Deidara! What did I tell you about making clay bombs?!" Kakuzu yelled at the brain-deformed Deidara.

"It's…bad…?"

"Exactly! Oh, hi, Sasori!" Kakuzu waved at the red-headed puppet master. His face was matching its color with his hair—in an unhappy manner.

"You know what you just did?" Sasori half-hissed.

Kakuzu had cold sweat on his neck. There was a bad feeling around Sasori and the wooden people behind him. "Whatever it is, we're in trouble, aren't we?"

Sasori nodded slowly, scaring both Kakuzu and Deidara. "You two ruined my big show! Now look at my puppets!!" Sasori roared.

Kakuzu didn't answer, but Deidara, coming back to immaturity, answered, "They look weird." Kakuzu quickly closed his mouth.

"Whoa, look at the time!" Kakuzu sprinted away from Sasori's bedroom, dragging Deidara along with him.

Sasori huffed and turned back to his broken puppets. "AGH! I have to spend thousands of golds on these things again!"

* * *

"Eat that!" Tobi pointed.

Just in time, the rest of the I Spy Squad came. They were all stunned to see Tobi actually swore on someone and that someone was Sasori. Konan and Kisame looked at each other while Itachi approached Tobi and waved a hand in front of him.

"Itachi-senpai, what are you doing?" asked Tobi back in his normal tone.

"You don't act like yourself." said Itachi.

"You don't even know which one is Tobi's self."

Itachi backed away. "I guess he's in a mood swing." he whispered to Kisame and Konan. "Ever since Deidara went kid again, he always acted colder than ever."

"OK, so you started without us again, huh?" asked Konan as she sat beside Tobi.

"Tobi needs to pay something back."

"OK…." Konan slided her feet that she stood side-by-side with Kisame and Itachi. "Guys…he's scary." Konan whispered back again, her face clearly showed fear.

"Oh! Tobi knows!" Tobi raised a hand and held two fingers against what was it supposed to be his lips in a ninja fashion. He activated the Mangekyo Sharingan. Itachi saw this and sort of freaked out.

"Hey, Tobi, what are you planning to do?" he asked.

"Just wait and see."

Sasori swiped out the dust in front of his door outside until suddenly the broom lit on fire. He threw it away spontaneously but stupidly to his puppets. The puppets were all burned and eaten by the Amaterasu, the mundane Hell's fire.

Sasori's eyes swelled and his hands flung to his head in horror.

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

Tobi giggled to the view from the laptop, freaking the I Spy Squad even Madara. He stared at the others with a question mark on top of his head. He meant it to be innocent, but the others got it as mean and threatening so they turned away and whistled.

"**Tobi, aren't you being a bad boy?"**

Tobi stiffened. Suddenly the laptop skewed to the side as he ran to the nearest wall and started to sob. "MWAAAHAAAAHAAA!!!" Tears flooded the inside of the mask until Tobi knelt and doubled over that the tears leaked through the eye hole.

"**There, there…you're just in puberty."**

"But Tobi's been a bad boy! Santa will hate Tobi forever now! MWAAAA!!!!"

"**Augh, c'mon! Neither of us got any presents from Santa in _any_ year. And I even remember I never actually participate in the Christmas party. It was always you. Santa hates me!"**

"But we're of the same body, Madara! He thinks you are Tobi!"

Itachi and Kisame stared at each other. Tobi was talking to Madara and asked for comfort from him. They never imagined Madara was a brotherly type of man. He may be 'playful' but he has a wicked sense of humor that makes people around him twitch.

"**Hmm…probably. Then I suggest you send him a letter explaining about us."**

"Can Tobi start writing now?" Tobi's tears dried quickly and he clapped his hands in excitement of writing a letter to the Man in the Red Suit.

"**No, not now."**

"Hey, Tobi…" Itachi called.

"Yes, Itachi-senpai!?" Tobi replied in a sing-song voice. So much for crying out loud.

"How can you use Amaterasu from here to there?" Itachi asked while pointing to the room then to Sasori's room.

"It's simple! From the camera!! Madara taught Tobi how to do it! He said the key was to stare at the spot with sharp eyes!"

"**Not that! Move! Let me explain!"**

"No!! Madara said Tobi is smarter now."

"**Urgh…the key is to CONCENTRATE!"**

"Oh! The key is to concentrate, said Madara!"

Itachi was interested to try but Kisame, knowing the flow of his mind, nudged him on the elbow. Itachi stared at his partner and Kisame pointed his own eye.

"Right…I'm nearly blind…" Itachi's dropped powerlessly.

"Don't blame yourself, Itachi-san."

"I just wish that Sasuke be right here, going after me for his so called revenge! If so, I will be able to gain the Immortal Sharingan!!"

"**Don't get too obsessive. Patience is needed in things like that."**

"Says the man who can't even wait for a minute." said Tobi, earning him a sharp Sharingan glare from Itachi. "No! It's Madara!!"

"Oh. I shouldna been so surprised…" Itachi massaged his nose bridge.

"Madara, what should Tobi do now?"

"**Simple. Say sorry to Sasori. Hey! It's the rhyme we use on your song! **_**The elder, Sasori. If we're late, we're sorry.**_** Heh! Still got the words."**

Tobi, once again, stiffened. Madara rolled his eyes. "Tobi doesn't think that's a good idea."

"**Why?"**

"Because Sasori doesn't know Tobi has Sharingan."

Madara smacked his head on a mental wall again. **"CRAP! You're right! ...You're right?"

* * *

  
**

"Sasori-dana, can Dei-Dei-chan help clean the room?" Deidara popped his head to Sasori's still broken door and incinerated room.

Sasori whipped his head to Deidara. His eyes were flashing in a deadly glare that made Deidara's goose bumps up. There were fires flaring from his nostrils and fumes from his ears. Sasori opened his cloak, showing his puppet-modified body and lashed out his scorpion tail. "If I were you, I'll run."

Needless to say, Deidara ran as fast as his legs could carry and like a raging dragon Sasori chased after him, his tail made scratch damages on the wall.

"Someone help meeee!!!!!" Deidara screamed.

* * *

"**Tobi, quickly! Pull up your mask!"**

"What for?"

"**Saving Deidara's life! I recruited him for a reason!"**

"OK!!!" Tobi replied enthusiastically and pull his mask up to his head.

"Right. Kisame, do your best shot when I say 'Now!', got it?" Madara quickly gave orders.

"Sure do."

"Right, let's move."

"EEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" Deidara's scream continued.

Madara opened Tobi's room's door and watched till Sasori got close enough. OK, there came the scorpion. "Kisame, now!"

"OH YEAH!!" Kisame stepped forward after Deidara passed and punched his blue fist at Sasori. The red scorpion got knocked down in a single hit. There were birds flying above his head.

"Whew…when I thought about knocking him down, I had a vision of rebelling muscle to muscle, not like this. He's easier to beat than I thought." said Madara, inspecting at Sasori's unconscious figure.

"You just need to know his weak spot, that's it." Kisame said proudly, spinning his arm. "It's right there, the Achilles' Heel." he pointed at Sasori's chest.

"Oh. Heart attack, huh?"

"It's safe, Deidara." Konan called.

"WAAAIII!! Kisame-niichan saved me! Thank you!" Deidara gave a big bear hug to Kisame. No one but Madara noticed that Itachi was turning to a color between pink and red.

"Whoa, there, kid. I only did what I was told. _He_ saved you." Kisame pointed at Madara who quickly blushed.

"Who're you?" asked Deidara. But he immediately got the answer when he glanced at Madara's mask on top of his head. "Tobi-niichan? YIPPEEEE!!!" Deidara flung his arms to Madara who felt really awkward about this. The only person who ever hugged him was his mother and Tobi—that was in his dream.

Madara blushed even more when he noticed that the other three members of the I Spy Squad were smiling at him in awe, even Itachi although it was a little smirk. "Don't smile at me! Go away! Shoo!" Madara mouthed and they just laughed at him. Finally, Madara made his move: he dragged Deidara by his collar to the bathroom. "Take care of Sasori for me, will ya!" Madara's last message for the squad was that.

"Tobi-niichan, where are you taking me?" Deidara asked, helping himself not to be choked.

"To the bathroom!"

"What? But Dei-Dei-chan had taken a bath! No way!"

"Not that! I want you to clean the toilet! The _sitting _toilet."

"Why not Tobi-niichan does it?"

"It's a good junior's chore! Are you a good boy or not!?"

"Deidara is a good boy!" Deidara said enthusiastically, holding a toilet brush. Before he began, he inspected closely at the toilet. "Tobi-niichan, it looks clean."

"Look again!" Madara said before he pushed Deidara's head into the toilet, making him unintentionally drink the water used to contain the Akatsuki's shits. Despite the struggle, Madara kept pushing and even flushed Deidara's head. Since he was used to killing, Madara didn't irked when Deidara gargled in almost death. Almost, because Madara decided to let him go.

Deidara gasped for fresh air, his face was now completely wet. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?!!!" Deidara shouted furiously. He coughed and his eyes were still shut.

"**Madara! What've you done?!"**

"Don't you see? He just _yelled_ at me."

Madara heard a gasp from Tobi. Using his toes, Madara poked at Deidara who snatched it quickly. "YOU ALMOST KILL ME, YOU—who the heck are you? And why am I in here? I remember I was waking up and there was no Tobi and—"

Madara wore his sunglasses and flashed the neurolizer again towards Deidara.

"**Madara! You make him forget again!"**

"Just shut up. Deidara, you will forget this face of mine and you will have to apologize to Sasori." Madara said it calmly and smoothly. So the key to use the neurolizer was to say the command clearly.

Madara then pull down Tobi's mask and became Tobi once more. Tobi knelt before Deidara and shook him awake from neurolizer's effect. "Senpai! Wake up!"

"Huh? Oh, hey, Tobi. Whew…my head feels weird."

"Is anything happened?"

"Someone dunk me into the toilet and I can't remember who it was."

"Well…" Tobi then choked Deidara by bear-hugging him. "Tobi is glad senpai came back!!!"

"AAAACCKK!! Tobi, let me go!!"

"Oops, sorry."

"Oh! I have to apologize to Sasori-dana for wreaking his door!"

"Tobi will come too!"

OK, fast forward to the night. The Operation I Spy was going rather successful and so did the healing of Deidara's twisted memory. This and its previous chapter were so influenced by Men in Black. Hey, there, Will Smith! The squad had a good time too, though they were freaked out by Tobi's sudden aura change from the childish to diabolical. Madara was thankful too his plan worked. Toilets never disappoint us, don't they?

Madara was in his pajamas—black top with ridiculous pair of short pants of Mickey Mouse. The difference in taste of clothing represented both personalities and Madara always had to be the top not bottom. He stood before his bed, having the last conversation of the day with Tobi.

"Hey, Tobi." Madara called softly.

"**What is it, Madara? Why haven't you slept?"**

"I was only wondering if you sleep rather than me. That way, maybe I can warn you about something. Like…Godzilla is coming or something."

"**Ooh! OK!"**

Madara put the mask over his face and Tobi spun on his toes merrily. "Tobi gets to sleep tonight!"

"**SHH! Everyone's asleep."**

Tobi lie down on the bed and put the covers over him. "Madara…"

"**Now what?"**

"Thanks for helping Tobi."

"**Nah, I just can't stand looking at you not being you. I know you really like Deidara **_**almost**_** to the point where I don't want you to."**

"Aw…Madara is so sweet."

"**Don't start, kid."**

"Oh, Madara, who's our tomorrow's target? Tobi's curious!"

"**That'll be a surprise. But for sure he's gonna join us. I still like this guy."**

"Oh, well. Nighty-night, Madara." Tobi snuggled closer to the bolster which he imagined as his 'big brother' Madara.

"**Good night, Tobi. Sweet dreams."**

"Love you."

"**GAAAHH!!! Sugar sweet words!"

* * *

**

_God! I can't believe how fast I worked! It's Target 5 already!_

_Deidara lovers, forgive the hard time I gave Deidara throughout Target 4 and this Target 5. It's to enhance the story--now you get to see the pissed off Tobi, isn't that new?!  
_

_I wonder if Madara's home attitude was really like this...??? He looked so adorable in here I like him straightaway. Anyway, thanks for reading! Don't worry, I Spy has still long way to go, they haven't even spied Pein yet!_

_---_

_Belated disclaimer: I didn't produced Men In Black. If I did, I'd be very busy in Hollywood right now. Same goes with Naruto and its League of Supervillains, Akatsuki. If I did wrote and drew the manga, Zetsu won't be looking so ugly and Itachi will succeed in getting Sasuke killed and steal his eyes. Yes, your thoughts exactly, I'm a super Anti-Sasuke.  
_

_---_


	6. Target 6!

**I Spy**

**Target 6!**

* * *

Sasori still had a grudge against his partner who was grinning in front of him. His eyes were clearly showing his emotion that said, "I'm watching you every second, punk!" Tobi, meanwhile, had an excellent sleep but decided to snooze for two extra hours. Yet, he didn't regret waking up late because he was again happy.

"Deidara-senpai, say 'Ah…'" Tobi offered him a spoon.

"Knock it out!"

A grumble. It came from Sasori. No one knew what had caused him to grumble so suddenly. Usually he never grumbled when he was begrudging someone.

Tobi put down the spoon and started singing.

"_Orochimaru, the snake most people fears._

_He ruled a reign of snakes, back in those years._

_But he's so weird, when he left no one shed tears._

_He works in a farm; 100 sheep he shears."_

The dining room went crickety silent. Short few seconds later, the dining room were rumbling by the voice vibration of everyone's laughter. Even Itachi laughed too, though everyone was too busy to see him laughing.

"Another great job! Bravo!" Kakuzu hollered.

Successfully, Sasori laughed out too. Last time Tobi sang, he broke their old dining table, now that Kakuzu had bought a new one, the same might happened. Luckily, Zetsu came in time to remove Sasori's head to the floor.

"Ha! Since when snakes shear sheep? That would be the worst bad-naming ever!" Hidan said. "I'm just so happy he's not here anymore. It let me laugh at him much more easily!"

* * *

"AAAACCCCHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

"Orochimaru-sama, are you having a hay fever?" Kabuto asked.

"No…someone's talking about me…"

"HAHA!! Why would someone talked about you? You're just a crippled old snake." Sasuke said scornfully.

"Hey, watch your word, bitch!" Kabuto bellowed.

Sasuke lolled his tongue at Kabuto who were fuming on his ears. "I think they _laughed_ about you. Humph, you must be quite of a comedian."

"Akatsuki…" Orochimaru hissed.

* * *

Madara was laughing too. What Tobi just sang was seriously funny. **"When did you made that up? Why don't you tell me that?"**

"It's a surprise…" Tobi answered Madara by whispering.

"**Whoa…you are getting smarter, despite that Deidara had returned to normal."**

"Ah! Madara underestimates Tobi!"

"**Maybe."**

"Hey! Watch it!" Kakuzu suddenly exclaimed in the middle of the laughter. In a flash, everyone stopped laughing only to look at Kakuzu and his stained cloak. In front of him, sat Hidan; nose was wet with coffee.

"Oops, sorry, Kakuzu. I guess I'm laughing too hard." Hidan leaned his face closer to Kakuzu's coffee stain. "That looks quite serious. I think it's gonna stay."

Kakuzu gave his partner a tired look that says, 'What do you think? Duh!' and face-palmed. "I'm gonna wash it right now and go to work straight after."

"Again, I'm sorry!" Hidan waved as Kakuzu's figure disappeared behind the entrance to the dining room. Wow, the anger management class sure worked like magic on Hidan.

"**Now Tobi. Go back to the room."**

"Aaah…can't we just wait till afternoon? We always spy after breakfast."

"**No! They might go somewhere else during the day. Morning is the best time to spy."**

"But we spy Konan in the afternoon!"

"**That's because she hardly go anywhere! Now move your sorry aft!"**

"Sir, yes, sir!" Tobi replied enthusiastically. "People! Tobi has to finish the drawing! Bye!!" Tobi rushed off, stared oddly by Deidara, Sasori and Hidan.

"Took him long enough." said Sasori. Hey, his anger was relieved!

"What drawing?" asked Deidara.

"Nothing. You don't wanna know. Oh, and I'm gonna kill you later, by the way."

Deidara gulped.

"Yay! Today's target is…Kakuzu-senpai!" Tobi cheered, only to be shushed by Madara.

"**You don't want him to hear you!"**

"But he's two rooms away from us!"

"**Still!"**

Tobi pouted, "Madara's no fun. Too many rules."

"**Fine! Be noisy and I won't save you like last time with Deidara! You owe me one!"**

With that, Tobi shut his mouth. He may be smarter than before, but Madara was still the evil genius here. He opened the laptop silently and saw Kakuzu's room—neat and spotlessly clean.

* * *

There were draperies everywhere in his room but mostly the colors were black and white. That would mean that those draperies were made by him. There was a mysterious door just across the main door and nobody knew what that door might lead them to. On another corner, there sat the tigress, Carmen. Stolen from a zoo by Kakuzu and he had explained everything in his blog. **(See 'Just About Anyone in Naruto Blogs' chapter 5.) **

Carmen stood and snuggled her head on Kakuzu's legs, circling them at the same time. "Hey, there, girl." Kakuzu greeted and patted the tigress' big head. She then licked her mouth. "Wanna have some breakfast? Right, wait for a second."

The screen went dark, though there was a slight movement coming from the blackness.

* * *

"Madara! There's something wrong with the camera!"

"**I know! I see it too! What would've caused this? Tobi, check the status!"**

"Um…how exactly?"

"**Move! Let me do the job before you ruin it!"**

Tobi pulled off his mask and Madara quickly checked the camera's status. Strangely, it said there was nothing broken. Utterly confused, Madara scratched his head awkwardly. "This is strange. Any ideas, Tobi-who-is-now-smarter?"

"**Um…it looks like a fly."**

"Oh. Of course…"

"**Tobi is a smart boy!"**

"So, not a good boy anymore, huh?"

"**That's still! Madara, move!"**

"Can't make me! Haha! So much for your wits!"

"**Meany!!"**

"I am!" Madara replied in a sing-song voice.

"Not the heart-to-heart talk again…" Konan interrupted.

Madara just smiled—the one that looked not so evil—and lightly waved at Konan. "Where are Itachi and Kisame?"

"Pein sent them for a mission. I'm here because it's my day off."

"What day is it today?"

"Friday."

"Oh, no wonder. Anyway, I'm looking at Kakuzu's now."

"Where?! Huh? What on earth is that?"

"That's the problem. We're encountering some technical problem here. Hey yo! Black thing, get away from my camera!" Madara said, poking at the laptop's screen.

Finally, the camera came back to its clear image.

* * *

Kakuzu had already checking the world's economic situation (I don't understand economics, seriously, and I don't want to use it here too much) from his newest Vaio laptop. He sometimes exclaimed profanes and stuffs at the deformed computer and grumbled. Sometimes he also whooped and cheered like a soccer ball fanatic.

"These people are getting on my nerves…" he mumbled. His voice was almost missed by the camera's mini microphone. He didn't elaborate the meaning of 'these people' though.

"Kakuzu! Can I borrow your scissors again?" Hidan asked outside Kakuzu's main door.

"If you're gonna use it for your meaningless ritual, I decline."

There was a moment of snarling before Hidan answered, "No, there are no rituals on Friday. Jashin hates Friday."

"Are you helping Zetsu decorating his mulberry bush again?"

"No! For Jashin's sake, can't you just borrow it to me?"

Kakuzu opened the door a little and gave one scary glare at Hidan who squeaked and stepped back a little. "You had borrowed my scissors five times and it always ended up _broken_. I need the scissors, Hidan. Do you think these strings of mine don't grow? They grow faster than your metro hair and thicker than Deidara's ponytail. Unless you would buy me 12 dozens of scissors, I won't be very selfish." Kakuzu spoke half hissing.

"But you're the bank guy!"

"Any. Questions?"

"No, sir…"

"Do you promise to use it for simple house use?"

"Yes, sir…"

"Good! I'm glad we have this business. Remember, if it's broken you have to pay me 12 times as much." Kakuzu handed Hidan the scissors with care.

"Yeah. See ya, Scrooge."

A flying shoe.

"OW! Hey, what the—temper, Hidan, temper…"

"WATCH THE NICKNAME, JACKASS!!!" Kakuzu shouted.

"Huh, yeah… Jashin, that hurts like hell…where did he get the shoe anyway?"

The answer for that was: Kakuzu had this hobby to collect stuffs from the trash bin. Usually, he picked up old shoes, broken bricks, soda can, tissue box, and useless cell phone. Those collected stuffs were used to throw at people. It was also the effective way to save money from buying stuffs that were only used to hurt someone.

"Oh, I better check that website again. Maybe this time they have something worth to kill."

For some reason, the fly landed on the Akatsuki's summer friendship photo where the hidden camera was.

* * *

"AAAAARRGHH!! Not again! Stupid fucking fly! If I were a lizard, I'm gonna snatch you to my stomach!" Madara swore.

"Gross…"

"I said '_If_ I were a _lizard_' Konan. Doesn't mean I really want to eat flies. That would be Zetsu."

"**Or Orochimaru! Do snakes eat flies?"**

"No, Tobi, they don't. They eat mice."

"Frogs eat flies." Konan added.

"Blegh…don't talk about those ribbity creatures! They're disgusting and slimy!" Madara said, shivering.

* * *

"AACCHOOOO!!!"

"Whoa!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!! I'll be back, Jiraiyaaaa….!!!" A blink of a rocket ascending to the sky.

"Gamabunta, what happened?" Jiraiya asked after climbing back up to Gamabunta's head.

"I dunno what the heck's goin' on. Last time I asked the old frog, she said someone was givin' frogs a bad name." Gamabunta answered, sniffing the air.

"Dude, you frogs believe in superstitions?"

"She does, I don't. I'm a modern mafia frog, not a wimpy paranoid."

"Well, at least you blew Orochimaru and Manda away. Can't see them without my binoculars."

"Damn…"

* * *

The screen cleared, yet again. Carmen was already sitting back in her cushion kitty bed, licking clean her paws. Kakuzu, on the other hand, looked quite desperate as he unsuccessfully searching for a bounty. At last, he sighed.

"How am I gonna get money?" he moaned.

Carmen, feeling sympathetic, nudged her head on Kakuzu's side and purred tiger way. Kakuzu patted her big head and if he didn't wear a mask, everybody could see he was smiling. Carmen lowered her head and gave Kakuzu a piece of paper that said 'WANTED' and Kakuzu quickly hopped to his feet.

"A wanted poster! Carmen, you're genius! Yeah, who's the good girl? Roar, baby, roar!"

Carmen roared and Kakuzu bear-hugged her. Seems like only Carmen that Kakuzu would want to hug, she was such a lucky tiger.

The master and pet rolled on the floor and Carmen licked Kakuzu's face passionately. Kakuzu laughed and ruffled her thick orange fur.

* * *

"Super weird…" Madara muttered.

"Why? I think it's cute. Tobi must've think of the same thing as I." said Konan.

"**It is cute! Tobi wants a big kitty too!"**

"We're not having a big kitty, Tobi! But look at them! It looks so weird!"

"Can you elaborate? And why do I have a bad feeling?"

"Man-and-woman is normal. Man-and-man or woman-and-woman is normal too. Man or woman-and-kid is freaky. Man-and-animal is way more than freaky. I can't imagine what their child would look like!" Madara shivered.

"Madara! Your imagination is too weird and rather perverted! They won't fall in love with each other!"

"It's Kakuzu we're talking about."

A pause from Konan. "Just… because he rarely walks with a woman—or a man, in case he's gay—doesn't mean he's twisted."

"You were considering he's twisted, weren't you?" Madara asked, his teeth were preparing to grin.

"No, I didn't!"

"Ah…you did…" Madara grinned devilishly. "Konan, you're being dishonest with yourself."

"Shut up!"

Madara just chuckled darkly. It had been a long time since he last time laughed darkly.

* * *

Two knocks on the door. "Yo, Kakuzu, I brought you back your scissors. Don't worry, it's fine, I didn't break a single bit."

Kakuzu sneaked from the door and observed the scissors very carefully before snatching it from Hidan's hand. "What did you use it for?" he asked harshly.

"Um, for this." Hidan held up a 6-monthed baby t-shirt and Kakuzu's eyes squinted in disbelief. "Cute, eh?"

"Cute it may be, but isn't it too small for you?"

"No, and it's not for me. It's for my child-to-be!"

"You? Have a child? Who's the fragging mother?"

"Someone I know but the others don't. No, I ain't telling you!"

"Pff…let me guess…. It's that woman in the anger management class of yours, right? She was the assistant of therapist if I'm not mistaken. I remember you wouldn't stop looking at her…" Kakuzu gave a sly nod at his partner and beneath his mask he was grinning.

Hidan blushed and threw his face away from Kakuzu. "Don't talk bullshits, Kakuzu. She's a stubborn woman. I spend hours just to persuade her to do what I want."

"Which was doing 'stuff' with her, right?"

"NO!!!" Hidan cleared his throat. "Anyway, that's why we can't get along, get it? We're too much alike!"

"Which is just how your love chemistry works. Don't worry, Hidan. It's only between us." Kakuzu tapped Hidan's shoulders friendly.

"Yeah. Even when you say so, my nerves are still tingling. OK, bye, sucker! And, seriously, don't tell anyone! Especially, Sasori!"

"OK! OK! Chill out!" then he naughtily added, "Does that mean you still going to watch men's butts?" There was a scream from Hidan before it faded away. Kakuzu closed the door slightly. "I don't think it's fully a secret, since _you're _watching!" Kakuzu threw the scissors right to the summer photo where the hidden camera was. The picture was gone.

* * *

"Jinkies, we're busted!!!" Madara cried. "Act of defence activated!!!!!"

Quickly, Konan disintegrated herself into many sheets of paper and made herself into a wallpaper of Tobi's room. Madara, panicked, did the best of his shot: turning into a bolster and kicked away the original bolster. Just as the bolster stopped rolling and entered the darkness of the closet, Kakuzu barged in.

"Come out now, twit! I know you're here! You and your weird mask!" Kakuzu shouted, lifting all objects available and trying to find Tobi hiding underneath them.

"**Tobi's mask is not weird! It's a gift from Madara!"**

_Why the frag would I made that for you? I made that for fun—originally._ Madara spoke through his mind, knowing that if he said words out loud, Kakuzu might find him no matter how much concealed his ears were.

As if hearing his thoughts, Kakuzu gripped the bolster and banged it to the wall. "I know it's you, Tobi. Now unchange yourself and explain everything that is needed to be explained."

The bolster didn't budge.

"C'mon. I bought you the bolster, and I remember it wasn't this long. The real one is in the closet."

Having enough and got totally busted anyway, Madara unchanged himself, still as himself not Tobi, which surprised Kakuzu very much. "Konan, don't betray me like this."

Konan gathered her paper self and stood beside Madara, giving questions to Kakuzu's mind. "What…the hell is going on in here? Who are you?"

"Believe me or not, Kakuzu, he's the big boss, not Pein." said Konan.

"That's right; I am Madara Uchiha, the founder and leader of Akatsuki. Bow before me or die." Madara bragged about which made Konan rolled her eyes.

To Madara's dislike, Kakuzu poked his forehead as if he was nothing but a mere delusional young man. "This kid? _The _Madara Uchiha? Get real! He was supposed to be older than me!"

"Older? Don't you mean younger? How old were you when you pulled out Senju's heart?" Madara asked, infuriated.

"Well, how old were you when you fought Senju and lost against him?"

Madara was speechless, indicating that he was already quite aged by that time. Kakuzu laughed in triumph. But Madara just had to found a counterstrike. "You were quite aged yourself, weren't you? So we are about the same age."

"Yeah, yet we still have the spirit of a young man. How cool is that?"

"Totally. But since my face looked totally younger than yours, I say I am _younger _than you."

"Fine, but I'm way richer. Without me, this petty organization of yours won't have enough funds to sustain the going-ons of its activities. You owe me, the employee who had worked here for six decades, a big time, Kingpin!"

"Alright! But if you're so rich, how come I didn't see you in Forbes?"

"SHUT UP!!!"

"HAHA!! So, since you got me busted, what about joining my new little project?" Madara offered. Konan had a feeling about this but she never expected it would be Kakuzu he wanted to join.

"What? Spying on other people like what you did to me?"

"—and me, and Itachi, and Kisame!" Konan added, to Kakuzu's surprise.

"Exactly."

"Deal! I always like to spy on people. Can we spy Hidan next?"

"Dude! You're giving out spoilers!"

"Oh, there's something I wanna know. If you're Madara, why would you hide yourself behind Tobi's mask?"

"Well, there was no particular reason but to know my subordinates through a closer look. I decided to use a façade but…" Madara shamefully wore Tobi's mask.

"HULLOO!!!! Congratulations, Kakuzu-senpai! You're in the I Spy Squad right now!"

Kakuzu squinted, "Where's Madara?"

"Not here!"

"You'll get it soon enough." Konan answered when kakuzu stared at her for answer.

"**Tobi, move away! I have to talk with Kakuzu!"**

"Aaww…but Tobi just got out… Can Tobi play for a few more seconds?"

"**No! This is important!"**

"Mph…fine…" Tobi pulled his mask and Madara was back.

"I think I get it. The character you made up turned to be real, huh? That's kinda freaky, especially to hear you actually talking to yourself."

"That's not it. Look." Konan pulled Tobi's mask halfway down and pushed the person wearing it tumbling on the floor.

"Hey! Watch it!" Both Madara and Tobi cried. "Why do you have to push us anyway?"

"See? They talked like Gollum."

Kakuzu was still squinting even when Konan had adjusted the mask on top of Madara's head. Not wanting to see any more strangeness for the day, Kakuzu decided to leave. "I'll see you guys tomorrow. And, Madara, I think Hidan still liked to see your butt, even though he said he had made someone pregnant."

"Holy…" Madara covered his butt with his hands. "Man, don't make me nervous!"

Konan stared at Madara deeply with questions yet to answer. "Hidan liked men's butt?" she asked innocently.

"Shut up…"

"Ooh! I gotta ask Kisame about it. He knows about everything to do with eyes!" Konan went out, probably to leave a message on Kisame's door saying about Hidan's truth.

"**Madara! Can Tobi play now?"**

"Sure. Tobi can go ahead. Gah! Why am I speaking your way?!"

"**Because Madara loves Tobi, right? Riiiiight?"**

"Shut up and go play already!" Madara snapped as he pulled down Tobi's mask.

"WAHOO!! Tobi is going to play Battleship with Pein-sama!!!" Tobi cheered as he rushed outside. He grunted when he bumped on someone who was—oh, the magic of coincidence—Hidan. "Hullo, Hidan-senpai! Do you wanna play?"

"N-no…I'm…kinda busy."

"Alrighty! Tobi will go! Bye!!!" Tobi skipped through the corridor with ballerina toes. Madara was always bemused by how Tobi can skip while he cannot.

"**Dammit, Tobi! Hidan's watching your butt!"**

"Really?" Tobi stopped and turned around only to found Hidan walking fast leaving him. "He didn't see Tobi's butt. Madara, it's not good to accuse people!"

"**Well, I suppose I'm wrong."**


	7. Target 7!

**I Spy**

**Target 7!**

* * *

"**Wake up! Madara! WAKE UP!!!"**

"Darn it…what fudging time is it now?" Madara groaned, his head digging for space under his pillow.

"**Five in the morning!"**

"Goddammit, Tobi! People are still asleep and we had a mission to do yesterday. Anyway, today's Saturday. People deserve to sleep longer. Bye…" Madara snoozed.

"**But we're spying Hidan today!"**

"I know."

"**Konan make pancakes today!"**

"Uh huh…"

"**There's 'I Am Legend' TV premier in Star World today."**

"Well, whaddaya waitin' for?!" Madara sat upright and get dressed. Smartly, he didn't alter into Tobi so that he could watch 'I Am Legend' in silence, at least until Akatsuki woke up.

"**Madara, can Tobi wake others? Please…?"**

"No. And shut up!"

Madara excitedly walked to the living room, but _dun-dun-dun-dun!_ There was Sasori, alone, and he was watching Star World. Madara's neck was soaked with cold sweat; he had forgotten that Sasori never slept and spent his nightlife in front of the TV. Wait…but there was a bed in his room.

"Shit!" Madara mouthed the curse. _Tobi…you did this on purpose do you? There's no 'I Am Legend' today._

"**Whee! Madara is smart! Now can Tobi wake up others?"**

"I'm gonna eat you tonight, jerk." Madara whispered before wearing Tobi's mask. Inside Tobi's head, he sulked.

Tobi took a long breath and, "MORNING, SASORI-SENPAI!!! YOU'RE UP EARLY!!!" he bawled, causing Sasori to jump in surprise and toppled to the floor with wooden '_clonk!'_

"**So much for ninja stealth."**

"Tobi, will you just…leave me alone?"

"No problem! Tobi will wake Itachi-senpai! YOOHOO!!"

Itachi fell from his bed when as always when Tobi woke him up with a singing shout. Itachi has the cornering-to-the-edge-of-the-bed sleep habit. Kisame didn't answer; apparently he had went to the bathroom. Deidara threatened Tobi with clay birds again. Pein sat upright, simply just glared at Tobi; his red hair looked messier than usual. Konan screeched and threw Tobi a wedge shoe; she was changing her clothes. Kakuzu was just in time to stop Tobi in his tracks by holding his head. When Tobi went for Hidan, he stopped because of the sign in front of the door, saying, "Saturday is today. Get away!"

Tobi cocked his head to the side. "Madara." he called innocently. "What's this?"

"**Isn't that freakin' obvious? Read!"**

"Tobi knows! But what is it for?"

"**Duh! It's to keep you away! Don't you ever listened that he did his 'most serious' ritual on Saturday?"**

"Did Hidan-senpai ever say that?"

Madara rolled his eyes and rubbed his temples. **"Just…go to breakfast already. Aren't you starving?"**

"Tobi is totally starved! Pancakes!!!" Tobi dashed back to the kitchen, sat on his seat, wear his eating apron, and held the fork and the knife eagerly. "Tobi wants pancakes with LOTS of maple syrup!!!"

While Tobi was away, Hidan peeked through the door and sighed softly in relief. "Good, the sign works like magic. Well, time for rituals."

Just like few days ago, Tobi ate in light speed, giving no chance for those who haven't seen Madara's face (which was Deidara and Sasori only) to see even his mouth. Even when Tobi demanded for more, he already closed his mask and resumed eating in the same speed. In the end, four plates were finished and no secrets unveiled.

"THANK YOU FOR THE MEAL, KONAN-CHAN!!!"

Kisame nudged Tobi, "So? Don't you have anything to do today?"

"No." Tobi answered.

Kisame and Itachi looked at him in surprised confusion.

"Look! Tobi's drawing is finished!" Tobi showed his Blue's Clues drawing to Kisame's face. The shark guy and Itachi gaped and looked at each other. "How is it? Isn't it cute?"

"Itachi, I thought it was all just a lie." Kisame whispered.

"I don't have any idea…" Itachi simply replied.

A sharp scream—totally from Hidan.

Kakuzu sighed, "Every week is always like this."

"Ouch…" Tobi grunted.

"What is it, twerp?" asked Deidara, it was not usual to see Tobi grunted with no apparent reason.

"Tobi needs to go to the bathroom." he rushed off.

"That never happened before. I thought he loves everything sugar and milk." said Deidara.

"Just like someone I know." Kisame added, glancing sideways to Itachi who secretly enjoyed the pleasure of milk chocolate in his mouth. How did he know it? Simple, Itachi's cheeks were slightly rising and it was a little pinkish. Not to mention that his eyes (even though without Sharingan) was shining in a way of a child eating chocolate.

Few minutes later, the four remaining I Spy Squad went to Tobi's room. They walked as quietly as possible to Konan's order so that Pein won't bust them all together and thought that his girlfriend was cheating on…6 (technically 5) boys!

Konan got the door handle and the four rushed in. Kisame was the first one to talk. "And why are you with us?" he asked Kakuzu.

"I busted the 'real leader' just as easily. I knew there was something fishy about him." said Kakuzu casually.

"Hey, stop using the word 'fishy' for describing something mysterious. You can use 'kitty' instead." Kisame objected.

"Oh, damn it, Kisame. Don't start a mouth fight, will you?" Konan groaned.

"Are you insulting my tigress, shark?"

"I probably am."

The two tallest member of I spy Squad (Kisame was still number one tallest) growled at each other. Konan was struggling between the boys to stop them from ruining the room plus saving them all from Madara's ultimate weapon. No matter how weird Madara was, they still don't want to mess with his powers.

"Guys, Tobi's not here yet." Itachi muttered.

"WHAT?!" the three exclaimed.

"OH! Sorry, everyone! Tobi had a serious time in the toilet!" Tobi apologized followed by a goofy laugh. He walked past his gaping silent friends (except Itachi who was not gaping at all) and opened his laptop. Realizing that his friends were all silent, he cocked his head to the side, "What is it?"

"Oh, uh, nothing…" said Kakuzu, before sitting next to Tobi. Yet he still gave Kisame a death glare which was returned by Kisame himself.

Tobi gulped and stiffened. "Madara, Tobi's always afraid of Hidan-senpai's ritual. Can Tobi cover behind Madara?"

"**My pleasure! Anything to be in front again!"**

Tobi pulled his mask up to his head and Madara's evil smirk was shown. "Bloody hell, today's genre is going to be gore! I love gore!"

"I can see that. Just go already."

* * *

When the monitor had shown the image, the first thing they saw was a pool of blood around Hidan's toes. No exception, they all winced, even Hidan himself.

Speaking of Hidan, he was currently panting due to loss of blood. He raised his hand and did another ritual which if I stated here in this story, there was a big chance 'I Spy' will be banned, and I don't want that. You know what I am talking about.

Hidan screamed again, almost breaking the sound receiver in the camera's mini microphone.

* * *

"How agonizing." Madara mumbled. "Do it again!"

"**Madara, no… Tobi can't…stand it…" **Tobi said, shivering. **"Tobi rather see Itachi-senpai crying for his nail polish again. At least it's less cruel."**

Madara snorted, remembering the embarrassing moment of Itachi when he spied at him. How he cried for a stupid bottle of nail polish. How he blushed so madly after talking with Kisame in some too friendly manner.

"What's so funny? Geez, you are a weirdo after all." Kakuzu remarked as he continued staring at Hidan's bloody ritual with no interest whatsoever.

"You know what, for once I actually agree with you." Kisame added. He and Kakuzu high-fived.

* * *

"Ritual's done, and I'm hungry." Hidan said as he put his sharp objects down and his stomach grumbled. He turned around only to see how messy his room was. "Crap! I guess I have to tidy up first."

It was not unusual for Hidan to do house working. He did it almost everyday, except Friday, when he said that Jashin hated Friday. He mopped the red substance which originally came from his vessels and extract them out of the window, painting Zetsu's mango tree into crimson.

He eventually slipped on some blood and fell flat on his back. Curses were set free from his mouth as he fell. He covered his mouth in horror when he realized he just swore out loud. "Oops, I hope no one hears me."

* * *

Madara, Kakuzu, and Kisame were giggling. Just few seconds ago, Hidan almost betrayed his anger management class or whatever it was by letting out the swear words of doom. They should have been guffawing right now, if they forgot that they were watching him through a camera. Plus, Madara had learned from his previous lesson where he had to take a girl with blue hair as a squad member.

"Guys, you really think that looking at someone's accident is funny?"

"What? We're criminals; we're supposed to laugh at misery."

"Uh huh, that's only for heartless criminals. I'm not that heartless, you know, as an angel." Konan objected.

"**Tobi is not heartless too! Tobi is full of love! Most of the love is for Madara!" **Tobi hugged Madara personality, causing the body to hit his own head on the wall.

"Get your 'love' offa me!" Madara exclaimed.

"Leave him alone, guys." said Konan and she handled the laptop.

* * *

The series of _dong-dong-dong _noise drove Hidan crazy and he pounded on the wall, specifically to the wall that separated his and Tobi's room.

"Yo! Stop performing African traditional music, will ya? You're ruining the code of tranquility!" hidan shouted, struggling not to let out the 'F' or 'S' word. He still used the 'D' word though…

* * *

"SSHH!! Madara! Settle down! Or else Hidan will become part of the squad. I know how much you didn't like him." Konan scolded the loony leader.

Kakuzu's eyes were wide opened and he quickly shook Madara's shoulders. "You didn't like Hidan?!" he asked enthusiastically.

"No. He and his inexistent god are killing me."

"Then why are you recruiting him?" asked Itachi, eating more chocolates.

"I didn't. It was her 'Googley Bear' who recruited him!"

"Huh?"

"I gave Pein one chance to pick a member and he was the one he picked. Usually, I can just kill the guys he picked but he's immortal so I can't kill him." Madara head-banged for no reason clear enough to say and headed towards Konan after he was done being loony. "Let me see what he's doing." Madara turned the laptop that was currently on Konan's hands facing him.

Room empty. Hidan had gone for breakfast while the I Spy Squad was busy observing the eccentric Madara Uchiha head-banging.

"Why are you still here?" Madara asked Konan.

"Pardon?"

"Hidan was going for breakfast, you're the cook. Don't you suppose to cook him something?"

"I left him some pancakes on the table. Don't worry!"

"**Can we hug again, Madara?"**

"NO!" Madara shouted in fury, making his comrades jumped in surprise. Livid, Madara put his hands together and formed a short hand seal. Smoke puffed in front of him and another splitting-image Madara appeared. "You!"

"Hmm?"

"Put your mask!" Madara commanded.

"Why me?"

Madara twitched in anger and forced the other Madara to wear the mask and became Tobi.

"Madara!" Tobi cheered.

WHACK!

The rest of the I Spy Squad gasped when they saw Madara punched Tobi smack dab on the middle of the mask. Madara's fist was completely round as he kept curling his fingers inward. He squinted looking at the strange view in front of him.

"Ow, that hurt…" Tobi whimpered.

"Why aren't you disappearing?!"

"Eh? Isn't that what Madara wanted?"

Madara squeaked, to his comrades' awe. He stuttered, "D-don't tell me I-I j-just…"

"Yes, you did." Tobi finished his sentence.

"Hey, if you're wishing for a replay, I think your webcam caught just about everything." said Kakuzu, pointing at the webcam.

Madara rushed and replayed the footage where he made the hand seal. "It can't be…" he replayed it again, only this time in slow motion. He observed every single seal he made and spotted the big mistake. Suddenly, the moon fell upon him.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" he screamed at Tobi who was innocently rubbing his inside nose.

"See? Madara did use that jutsu!"

Madara's eyes rolled upward and he fell to the floor. In short, he fainted.

"Now that's something you don't see everyday." Itachi commented.

* * *

Hidan was sighing in relief after tasting the sweetness of maple syrup and the hum of silence. His breakfast was never that perfect.

He whistled, "Whoo, I should do this more often. Now…for my little baby. It's time to find some names that will suit well. Start with boys' names!"

Hidan pulled a pile of thick book of names, each from a different country. African, American, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, Hungarian, Egyptian, almost every country and race in the world, including hippies and pirates. He even had one that was not from the world: Jedi names!

He opened a notebook which was already filled with 50 names for both boys and girls. The list was still going.

"Um…Michaelangelo Sakoshita? Anubis Happyfeet? Oh! How about Jack Sparrow? No, that's copying. Jack Narrow sound good though. How about Harry Totter? Or…Frodo Slaggins?"

He silenced for a while, still looking for the right boys' name for the next twenty minutes. Suddenly, the light bulb of innovation shone on top of his head as he announced, "I know! Septimus Slime!"

* * *

Kakuzu couldn't stop sneering and snorting when Hidan kept suggesting funny names for his son-to-be (if it is a son) and ended up rolling around on the floor. "What a nutcase! HAHAHA!! Septimus…Slime! AHAH…AHAHAHA!!"

"He's so into the naming." Itachi remarked. "Hey, um, Tobi! How's Madara doing?"

"Tobi doesn't know. Tobi is afraid that Madara is dead." Tobi said in panic as he kept fanning Madara's unconscious body using Madara's MAD magazines.

Soon, Madara groaned to consciousness. He sat up and rubbed his head. "God…how stupid I can be." he glanced sideways at Tobi who gulped. "But…the real Tobi was supposed to be…. Hey, Tobi, can you hear me?" Madara knocked softly at his head, but there was no response. Madara's nose creased; he pulled down Tobi's mask.

"Hello?" Tobi asked, waving his hand in front of Madara who was wearing the mask.

"_Why am I still myself?!"_ Madara screeched, opening Tobi's mask in the end. "You, boy! Open your mask!"

Tobi did, but his face (which was, of course, Madara's face) remained silly and childish—Tobi without his mask and not Madara. "Cool! Tobi can stay like this!" Tobi cheered and pinched his cheeks happily.

"You are not about to walking around with your mask off! You'll ruin the surprise! Put them back!" Madara commanded harshly. "What's wrong over here? Why is it like this?" Madara rubbed his temples.

"It's a new jutsu, Madara. This was the first successful attempt! Cheers for Madara! Hip-hip-hurrah!" Tobi cheered, lifting one of Madara's arms along his for a few times before Madara yanked it away.

"Then that explains…"

"What? Can any of you two explain to us what the hell was going on?" Kakuzu asked, Konan nodded in agreement.

Madara cleared his throat and stood straight. Tobi too stood behind him. "Well, around two months ago, I was trying to modify Kagebunshin No Jutsu into something new. My objective was to make a long-last clone that won't disappear even after somebody had 'killed' it. I think what happened was since my head was stuffed with this 'Invincible Kagebunshin No Jutsu' hand seals I mistook the normal jutsu hand seal with this one. Luckily, I didn't put too much chakra, or else it would last so long I don't even know when he will disappear." Madara glared at Tobi who shrank in shame.

"Tobi will be a good boy. Promise!"

"You always say that." Madara retorted and continued, "But I think today's attempt had caused Tobi and my personality to split to two bodies aka Tobi is as real as I am in hell."

"Aka you have to sleep with him." Kisame added naughtily. Kakuzu responded positively toward that and he and Kisame high-fived again.

"Hurray! Sleep with Madara!" Tobi whooped and hugged Madara tightly that the Uchiha barely breathed.

"Ack! Let go of me!" Madara choked.

Konan, Kisame, Itachi, and Kakuzu felt something in their hearts that caused them to blush slightly as they looked at the bear-hug scene. Madara and Tobi looked so adorable when they were put side-by-side and especially in that pose. Konan giggled, followed by the others.

Annoyed, Madara pointed 'the finger from hell' at the I Spy Squad.

Itachi deceptively hid a camera in his cloak and snapped a picture of an awkward Madara hugged by the full of love Tobi. The I Spy Squad let out an "Aw…"

* * *

Hidan was now searching for girls' names. The choices were just as weird as for the boys. "Shesorny Danger? Mia Carma? Skinny Cheesely? Dino Dominica?"

"I SAID GET YER HANDS OFF ME!!" Madara's furious shouting echoed through the wall and greeted Hidan's sensitive ears.

Hidan twitched; someone had disturbed his moment of excitement plus perplexity and he didn't like that. He pounded at the wall. "Hey! Someone's working here! Put volume down!"

"Shut up, bitch! Tobi! Get offa me, I said!"

Hidan had had it. He slammed the door and stomped to Tobi's room to taste some flavor of vengeance. "I'm gonna fuckin' get you!" Hidan hollered.

* * *

"Hidan's coming! That's why I told you: _calm down_!" Konan, for like the hundredth time, scolded Madara and even hit him with a paper baseball bat. Hey, that hurt quite a lot.

"Sorry. Ouch…my head hurts like hell." Madara groaned.

"Don't worry, Madara. Tobi will get you a sack of ice!"

"Fine, go get me one. Kakuzu, will you knock Hidan down, please?"

"With pleasure." Kakuzu hardened his right hand. A smirk was plastered beneath his mask.

Tobi opened the door and a fuming-in-the-ears Hidan was about to shout just when Kakuzu punched right on the nose and he fell unconscious.

"One sack of ice, coming up!" Tobi ran to the kitchen, unpurposely stepping on Hidan's body.

Kakuzu pulled Hidan on the hair and dragged him back to his room. "I guess that ends the today's episode, huh? Our target just got owned."

"Yeah. And I need to teach Tobi about sleeping in the same room as I."

"Great. Hey, Kisame, can we go out for some dango?" Itachi asked, pulling Kisame's sleeve.

"Eh? Aren't you eating too many sweets for today?"

"Please?" Itachi begged, yet his eyes were instructing forcefully as if they say, "Come with me or I gonna make you into a shark goulash." Kisame gulped to the stare and finally accepted to go for some dango.

"Have a nice date." said Madara. That earned him a daring glare from the duo.

"Speaking of date, I have one with Pein tonight. See you tomorrow, Madara. Good luck with Tobi!" the only girl in Akatsuki left and waved at him.

"If there is tomorrow." Madara said to himself pessimistically. Right after he mumbled, Tobi appeared with a huge sack of his ice in his hands.

* * *

**Hiya there, people! It's Zetsu and Pein left to be pranked.**

**Anyway for Hidan's choices of names, I know all (or perhaps some) of you have guessed that the names are parodied from various characters. For those who didn't get it, below is the list:**

**Harry Totter = Harry Potter  
**

**Frodo Slaggins = Frodo Baggins  
**

**Septimus Slime = Optimus Prime  
**

**Shesorny Danger = Hermione Granger  
**

**Mia Carma = Tia Dalma  
**

**Skinny Cheesely = Ginny Weasley  
**

**Dino Dominica = Ino Yamanaka**

**That doesn't mean I hate these characters! Well...except Ino...**


	8. Target 8!

**I Spy**

**Target 8!**

* * *

Poke. Poke. Prod. Prod.

"Huh…?"

"Madara, can you…"

"Shut up, Tobi… Go wake up others yourself…"

"That's the problem. Tobi can't get up." said Tobi, his voice sound struggling and pressed.

"What do you mean you can't get up? Don't be such a lazy—" Madara stiffened as he realized that he was the reason why Tobi couldn't get up. He slept on top of him. Madara bounced off from Tobi, not with silence. "GAAAHH!!! What did you do to me last night?! Holy crap! I do day dream about making out, but not with _you!_ Mamma Mia! I'm de-flowered by my split personality!!"

"Tobi didn't do anything. Really! Um, what's de-flower?"

"Are you sure? Don't make me use Amaterasu on you."

"Tobi is a good boy; Tobi will never do bad things especially to Madara! Coz Tobi loves Madara!" Tobi jumped from the bed and bear-hugged Madara.

"Get offa me." Madara growled. "Now be a good boy and bring me some breakfast!"

"We can have breakfast together!"

"Ahem." Madara coughed on purpose and glared at Tobi. "You're Tobi and I'm Madara. Madara is supposed to be dead and Tobi is the jerk who always does wake-up calls. Now, do you understand your role here?"

"Sure! Tobi will spoon-feed Madara in room! Wait for Tobi, OK!"

While Tobi left, Madara got a visitor. Kakuzu knocked on the door and entered even though Madara didn't say anything about letting him in. "How's your first night together?" Kakuzu asked.

"Don't make it as if we're spouses! It sucks! I end up sleeping on top of him."

Kakuzu barked out laughter and doubled over. Madara eyed him with resentment and massaged his temples. Tobi then came back with toasts on a plate on his hands and he stared weirdly at Kakuzu who just began to leave.

"What's wrong with Kakuzu-senpai?" the boy asked.

"Morning habits, that's it." said Madara, eating the toast Tobi brought for him. He then stared at his split personality. "What are you doing here? Go get breakfast for yourself."

"No. Tobi wants to have breakfast with Madara. Konan-chan said it's OK."

Madara stunned, his toast hung between his mouth and was about to fall if Tobi didn't catch it on time. Looking at Madara's stunned reaction, Tobi felt there was something wrong. His shoulders drooped and he meekly asked, "Madara…you don't like having breakfast with Tobi, do you?" Tobi sighed, "It's OK. Tobi can eat alone…" Tobi put the plate of Madara's toast on the side table and left for his own breakfast.

Madara blinked. "Did Tobi just…. Nah, what the heck."

Tobi powerlessly stroded to the kitchen, greeted Konan lazily and slouched on his chair beside Deidara, as usual. He exhaled long. Sasori noticed the difference of aura and asked, "Tobi, are you alright?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, Tobi is just…fine." the boy answered uninterested. He reached out his hand toward a toast but it hung and eventually he cancelled taking the toast. All eyes were skewed at him.

"Tobi, are you sure you're fine?" Konan asked concerned.

"Tobi felt lonely. Loneliness makes Tobi's appetite down…"

Deidara snorted, "You? Lonely? Even after all of us shouting and chasing at you? Get real! Are you trying to catch attention again?"

Tobi sighed and decided to take the toast.

Deidara winced slightly. He thought he just said too much; Sasori pounded upside his head.

Tobi glomped the toast in one swallow and closed his mask, again leaving some people clueless about his face although it was just his mouth. He slouched more that Kisame had to pull him up and straightened his back. "You know what, you need a day break. Anyway, today's Sunday! Go somewhere fun!" Kisame suggested.

Hearing the word fun, Tobi had a light bulb shining on top of his head. He stood upright and said loudly, "That's right! Tobi can go to the carnival! Thanks a lot, Kisame-senpai!" Tobi turned and hug short Kisame who grunted. A few feet away from him, Itachi was glaring at him for some reason then sulked.

Tobi ran back to his room cheerfully. Meanwhile, Sasori playfully asked Itachi, "Wow, Mr. Nearsighted, you look…jealous."

Itachi furrowed his brows and silently pointed 'the finger' at Sasori.

Tobi barged in his room, causing Madara almost drop his last toast. "Hey! You could watch the spirit!"

"Madara! Madara! Madara!" Tobi called.

"Tobi! Tobi! Tobi! Just get to the point……"

"Let's go to the carnival few miles from here! We're gonna have fun! C'mon! C'mon!" Tobi pulled Madara's wrist, eager to take him to the carnival.

"Carnival? Tobi, that place is for kids."

"We're still young. That's still OK!"

Madara just remembered that even though his age was decades old, but he still had his twenties face. He smirked at the idea and nodded. "OK. We're going to the carnival. I don't really feel like spying anyone today."

"Yay! Fun with Madara!" Tobi expanded his arms, but Madara held his head away from him.

"Get away, you face-hugger!"

"Let's go!"

"Hey, hold your horses, kiddo! We're not going anywhere with this cloak! We are going casual!" Madara warned his childish split.

"Can Tobi go without mask?"

"No."

"Aw, why? Tobi and Madara can be twins!"

"I ain't becoming your twin! Nor your brother! We're just going to be friends, get it?"

"That's OK! We're friends till the end!" Tobi lifted his hands and Madara's together.

"Damn, wrong choice of words…"

**)))-(((**

Tobi and Madara then went to the carnival and the first thing Tobi wanted to ride on was the carousel. "Let's ride it, Madara!" he called over.

"Hell no! You go, I'm staying! I'm not riding those stupid plastic, candy-colored horses especially in front of these people!" Madara growled. "My face and attitude don't resemble those of a kid, unlike you!"

"Madara can just sit in the carriage." Tobi said with more pleading tone.

"NO!-----Son of a…grr!!" Madara grumbled as he, like it or not, ride the carousel. Tobi was on a white and blue horse beside him, cheering like how a hyper kid should.

"Madara! Put your hands in the air! Wahoo!"

"Do it yourself!" Madara snarled. He threw his face away from the center of the carousel, only to found people giggling at Tobi and him. "Faggot…" he cursed silently.

How glad the elder Uchiha was when the carousel ended and he quickly rushed away from the ride and waited outside for Tobi who decided to take another turn. Once Tobi was satisfied with his second turn, he decided to give Madara some company and pulled his darker split to another ride that was slightly more challenging. It was the water ride through a tunnel of…Alice in Wonderland… Needless to say, Madara did not enjoy this ride, unlike Tobi.

"Look, Madara! The invisible cat! Hehehee…he looks funny." Tobi looked at Madara and noticed how unhappy he was, so he decided to ask. "Madara, are you OK?"

"What do you think, doofus? Of course I'm not OK! The ride is boring and I don't even like Alice in Wonderland!" Madara snapped, distracting a few people behind them.

"Tobi is sorry, Madara. Tobi just wanna have fun. How about Madara get to pick the next ride after this?"

"You sure? My choices might chicken you out."

"Tobi is a good and brave boy! Don't worry, Madara!"

Madara smirked, "OK…if you say so. But I've warned you…"

* * *

Tobi gulped. "Um, Madara…are you sure?"

"Uh huh. What? Is Tobi too baby to go to the Ghost House?" Madara teased and laughed scornfully.

"N-no, Tobi is not scared!" Tobi retorted. He thrust his chest and showed off his braveness. "Ghosts are nothing!"

"Good. Now let's go. I wanna sit on the front." Madara walked ahead of Tobi and whistled.

Tobi's shoulders dropped when Madara said he wanted to sit in front. But he already boasted that he was brave, so he had no choice but to sit in front.

Tobi screamed a lot while in the ride when the monsters, ghosts, and ghouls were popping out of nowhere. He cuddled near Madara when that happened. That, or he whimpered when there was a zombie pirate thrusting his sword to the visitors, acting as he was about to cut an unfortunate visitor's head. On the contrary, Madara was just yawning, but at least this one was more interesting.

"Scared?" Madara asked.

"Y-no! Tobi is not scared!" a pause. Suddenly a ghost dragon appeared and roared. "EEEAAAAHH!!!"

"Aw, did the dragon scare you, Tobi? Cool! Nice effects!"

"Uhm…Madara…Tobi needs to go to the bathroom."

Madara scooted away from Tobi in disgust, then muttered, "Yep, you're so scared. Zip it, you can't lie to me." he added before Tobi denied his feeling.

Madara tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for Tobi dealing with his weak-bladder problem. Overly impatient, Madara kicked the door. "Get a move on, will you! I don't wanna wait for hours for this one! I've been longing to ride this kind!"

"Hold on a sec." Flush. Zip. Tobi got out, sighing in relief. "Whew, Tobi is glad he didn't pee in his pants."

"Oh yeah, I'm glad too." Madara added, matter-of-factly.

"So, Madara, what's next?" Tobi asked.

"You might wanna step back too."

"Why?"

"I'm going for the 'Reaper's Rail'."

Tobi stunned. Without his face shown, he really made people thought he was a statue. "Reaper's Rail?"

"Yes! 'Reaper's Rail'!"

"It's the one that goes to a tunnel full of shining stars, right?"

"No, that's 'Star Liner'. This is the one that has ten spinning rails, metal-themed song, and 200 mph running speed. It never existed ever since I was born! This is a chance of a lifetime!" Madara declared happily. "What? Are you chickened out already?"

"Tobi is _not_ a chicken!"

"Fine. C'mon, then. Let the show begins!"

Silently, Tobi gulped.

* * *

"WOOOOHOOOOO!!! HALLELUJAH, BABY!!! WHOOOOOO!!!"

"EEEEEEEEPPPPP!!! HEEEELLPP!!"

The roller coaster called 'Reaper's Rail' went spinning ten times, there were up and downs few times and then the last yet the biggest full spin that surely made their asses lifted up few centimeters. Madara surely enjoyed this; he even forced Tobi to sit still for another turn.

After the ride…Tobi went to the toilet again for a violent acid reflux while Madara went to buy drinks due to his aching throat. He went to the toilet to check on Tobi and found that his childish split was in the middle of a gang bully and not realizing it. The leader bully was force-beg for a penny but Tobi truthfully said he didn't hold one, Madara did. Madara then made a dramatic entrance and scared the gang with his Mangekyo Sharingan. Alas, the gang scurried like a bunch of chickens.

"Whee!!! Madara saved Tobi! Thank you!" Tobi cheered.

"Get off and let's have something to eat. Here, it's your drink."

Tobi unmasked himself and ate few meals vigorously while Madara only ate one hotdog. He scowled at the disgusting consuming scene in front of him. Some of the sauce spluttered to Madara's flawless face. He wiped it with disgust.

"Can't you eat slowly? You just barfed."

"But Tobi's hungry."

"Fine. But what's with the full unmasking?"

"It's hot."

Madara huffed. "Thanks for answering all my questions, Tobi." Madara said sarcastically.

"You're welcome!"

Madara frowned and looked something else that didn't look like him. He saw clowns; they all looked stupid and some kids even ran away from them, especially this green one. Whoa! Green? "Holy shit…" Madara muttered in disbelief.

"Madara! This place is full of kids! Watch your words!" Tobi scolded softly.

"Tobi, look at that clown!" Madara pointed at the green clown.

"Huh? Oh yeah! Wow, what a tall clown! He also looked like…"

Madara and Tobi stared at each other.

"Zetsu!" they both shouted in unison.

"You know what that means?" Madara asked as he put on his evil smirk again.

"More fun!"

"Close but no. That means Operation I Spy is on the run again. And today's target is Zetsu."

"But Madara said you're not in mood."

"I didn't say that. Now come on! I brought my handy cam with me."

Tobi pouted and put back on his mask. He and Madara soon started to tail about Zetsu with Madara leading and commanding about not and may to do. He had once or twice scolded Tobi for buying ice cream in the middle of their 'game'. What they saw was quite astounding: Zetsu being human-friendly and handing kids balloons and even made a horse-shaped ones. Most of all, he smiled! Madara rubbed his eyes in disbelief.

"What had the clunky music of circus turned Zetsu into? I mean, he's so…" Madara struggled to find the right word.

"Kind?"

"No."

"Different?"

"Not even close."

"Sociable?"

"That's it!"

"What is sociable?"

"C'mon, you gave me the word but you don't know what it means?"

"Tobi just heard it from a movie."

"Anyway, I thought that Zetsu is a cannibal! Cannibals ain't socializing! Well, unless he's a good cannibal and I wonder if there is such thing as kind cannibal."

"Of course there is, silly. Good cannibals are cannibals that eat criminals!" Tobi answered, only to receive a tired look from Madara. "What?"

"Tobi, Akatsuki _are _criminals! That would mean he eat us from a long time ago and he will work with the series' heroes, the Konoha people! Use your brain more efficiently like last time you made Deidara into a kid!"

"Tobi doesn't know. It just happens."

"It just happens." Madara imitated using a playful tone. "Yeah, right. Wait, where did he go?"

"Zetsu went to change his make-up! He'll be back!"

Speaking of the devil, Zetsu came out…with garden scissors on his hand and a big bag on his shoulder. Madara zoomed in the view and Zetsu was looking around, suspecting viewers he might know.

"Um, maybe we shouldn't do this, Madara. Zetsu is a scary guy, he might eat us."

"Eat you, maybe, but not me. I'm the immortal here."

Both began again their stealth game. They hid in one bush and another, wonderfully not to be busted by the sensitive Venus Flytrap Akatsuki guy. They ended up in the carnival's central park, where it was full of dinosaur-shaped bushes and celebrity-faced fruit trees. Madara squinted at the view while Tobi admired every single shape.

"What on burning chili sauce Earth is this place?" Madara complained, struggling not to barf looking at the wonderland-look-alike park.

"Ooh! Madara! Barney the Dinosaur mulberry bush! Can you take a picture for Tobi, Madara?"

"Hell no I won't! Don't embarrass me in front of these people!" Madara shouted furiously. Sadly, Tobi didn't listen to him—perhaps tired because what Madara had said was only 'no'—and asked someone else to take his picture.

"Madara! Over here! C'mon! Let's preserve the memory!" Tobi called over. Madara ignored him, but his childish split insisted on taking their picture together. "Madara is no fun! It's not everyday we got split up like this!"

"Next time, I'll make sure this won't happen."

"OK. CHEESE!!!"

Snap! The picture of happy Tobi hugging grumpy Madara was stored.

"Thank you very much!" Tobi said and waved his hands.

"Dammit! Thanks a lot, Tobi! Now we lost Zetsu's track!" Madara ranted and pouted.

"But Tobi just want to have fun. Madara too has to have fun! Madara always stays inside the base."

"There's no time for fun when you have a world to conquer!"

"Then why conquer the world?" asked Tobi, he got tensed by the heating argument.

"So that everything goes according to what I want. Look at the bright side, you get to eat anything you like."

"Tobi wants everything to stay like this…." Tobi said sadly.

"Please. You gotta be kidding. Things have to go on, Tobi. Unless you have the power to stop the time completely, then I guess everything might stay as you wished for. But, even for immortals like me, there's no such thing as stopped time. Those bullshits are just in your imagination." Madara said, turning away, only to be stopped by Zetsu's voice.

"What are you couples fighting about?"

"Zetsu!" Tobi exclaimed. "This is so fun! What are you doing here?"

"Working. You two seemed to have fun too."

"Yeah! We went for rides, then we eat, then we…go here!"

"I was the one who made the shapes." Zetsu answered proudly, though vaguely shown.

"Madara, you look not having fun. Why? Do you just got busted by your target?" asked Black Zetsu. He then smirked; his horrendous meat-eating teeth were shimmering.

"GAH! Now we're busted! How wonderful! Let me guess, you have watched me and the others doing our 'Operation I Spy' over the past few days?" Madara snapped.

"Well, aren't you the bright one? So bright, you got blinded by your own light and did the wrong hand seals." Black Zetsu mocked the leader, and he was not even afraid.

"Don't make me use Amaterasu on you…" Madara hissed.

Tobi could feel the strong offensive auras from the two and was afraid that they might cause problem they have been trying to avoid. So to prevent the fight, Tobi stood between Madara and Zetsu and said, "Can Madara and Zetsu fight in the base instead, please? This is a public place, remember?"

Madara turned off his Mangekyo. "Fine. It's just because I don't want the world to know that Madara Uchiha is still alive that I fall back right now. Since I got busted anyway, how can you be so friendly to the kids? I thought you love kids for dinner."

"They are for dinner." Black Zetsu answered. "The balloons are just a mark so that we can come to them and eat them in place. Don't you know kids are much nutritious than adults?"

"I can see that."

"But he only eats the fat ones." White Zetsu added.

"Shut up! Any kid is fine!"

"Even the malnutritioned ones?"

"Except those…"

Tobi's lamp of ideas shone bright again and he pulled Madara and Zetsu together. "Let's have a picture again! Today is so much fun!!!"

"GOD, NO!!" Madara hollered.

"SAY CHEESE!!!"

"HEEEELLLPPP!!!"

Madara looked really hilarious here.

**)))-(((**

"Erase it! Now!" Madara shouted angrily and chased Tobi around their room.

Tobi was holding the handy cam he used to take the picture and was saving it from being erased by Madara. He was so passionate over the picture he even climbed the wall to keep it away from Madara, but every ninja knows that it was useless, Madara climbed just as easily. You might think to catch a person with mind as simple as Tobi should be a piece of cake; well, that won't work if he has the same powers as you. You know what I'm talking about (especially if you have followed this series since the very beginning.)

Madara would really like to use Kagebunshin No Jutsu to create hundreds of clones but he was afraid of the same mistake he made, so he locked that idea back. Using any fire elemental jutsu was way too risky, and he didn't want to burn all his R&B and alternative albums. The same goes for any other elemental jutsu.

Kakuzu was passing that 'Room of the Weirdest Couple/Sibling/Friend/Whatever' and found the shouting and yelping was overly, not amusingly, annoying. He decided in a snap that he will step in and told them to stop. But what he found was the craziness explained two paragraphs ago. "What on bloody hell is going on with you reciprocals?" asked Kakuzu, pissed off.

"Help me catch him, Kakuzu!" Madara yell-begging at Kakuzu as he continued to chase Tobi around.

"Uh…for what, exactly?" Kakuzu asked.

"Just do it! I don't have the reasonable answer for that right now!"

"Jeez, chill out, Kingpin." Kakuzu replied and his strings caught Tobi as easily as spelling 'yo'. He handed Tobi to Madara who was panting and sweating like a life-size sponge. Kakuzu gave the true leader a questioned look.

"Don't. Fudging. Ask." Madara snarled and Kakuzu just nodded, feeling somewhat pity over the tired leader. "Gimme that shit!" Madara tried to snatch the handycam but Tobi raise it up over his head.

Kakuzu saw the picture of him, Madara, and Kakuzu together and chortled at it, winding Madara up. He was so amused; he had to support himself by holding the wall. "Damn, look at you! HAHA!!! What were you screaming? 'Mama'?"

"Shut. Up. Don't wanna talk about it."

"C'mon, I found it interesting. So Zetsu knows about us?"

"He knew from a long time ago." Madara gingerly answered. His bloodshot eyes were not detached from Tobi's oh-so-innocent face (he wasn't wearing his mask, for fun).

Kakuzu noticed how pissed Madara was at his childish split. "C'mon, Madara, he's just a kid wanting to have fun. Right, Tobi?"

"That's right, Kakuzu-senpai!"

"Well, how about you take him to the carnival next time? I'm sure you two will have so much 'fun'!" Madara said sardonically.

Kakuzu released Tobi immediately and scampered away. "No thanks. I'm always busy!" he said quickly.

"I thought so. Oh well, I'm tired and I wanna go to sleep."

"Huh? But it's still eight o'clock! Let's watch movies with the others, Madara!" Tobi swayed by pulling Madara's arm.

Madara yanked his arm away from Tobi and yawned. "I have no moods for movies. Anyway, I felt I had too much entertainment today. Go watch yourself."

"He has the point, Tobi." Kakuzu added. "He can't show his face to some people, by the way. Night, then, Madara. I hope you don't snore too loud." Kakuzu teased.

Madara sneered scornfully at the tease and climbed to his bed.

Meanwhile, outside Madara's room, Tobi walked with his shoulders flopped with disappointment. Kakuzu patted his back, to his surprise, "Don't mind his snide attitude, boy. Man like him usually always acts so cold. But I can tell he's actually grateful to you, Tobi."

"Really? Madara was angry today…"

"Yeah, but that was only little part of it. He actually had fun."

Tobi didn't speak, but inside he was happy. This was the best day of his life.

* * *

**Heehee! My favorite chapter! Now it's easier for Madara to bully on Tobi with this. And, sorry for the tardiness. I lost my WiFi signal at home, somebody plugged off the thing away so I can't use the internet for the whole week! And the school's internet sucks like ass! It's slower than my turtles and more uncooperative than my gay cat (yes, my cat is a male and he's gay. He tried to 'marry' another male cat that's blind.)**


	9. Target 9!

**I Spy**

**Target 9!**

* * *

He grunted. He heaved. He pushed. He grumbled curses and swear words.

Last time, he found himself sleeping on top of Tobi. Today, everything was going the other way around, aka Tobi slept on top of Madara. Tobi decided to not wear the mask while he was asleep last night and Madara's face and Tobi's face were inches close right now. One wrong move, then Madara's dream of having first (was he married?) kiss with Anne Hathaway will be ruined. Even if Madara was gay, he'd still prefer Adam Sandler or his wildest dream might be with Jake Gyllenhaal. Not to mention Madara disagreed pedophile **(A/N: like me!)** and he considered Tobi as a kid.

Five thirty a.m. Tobi was supposed to wake up right now. "Toooobiiii…." Madara whispered. "It's five thirty in the morning, people has to get up."

Unfortunately, Tobi was way too deep in his sleep.

"That's why I told you not to watch movies till so late. Stupid kid…" Madara gave his strongest push and voila! He got away—bumping down to the floor! "OW! Shit…" Madara swore, rubbing his aching butt and he found Tobi's mask on the side table. The evil smirk ruled again.

"GOOD MORNING, DEIDARA-SENPAI!!! SUN'S UP! BIRDS ARE ALL CHIRPING!!!"

"GET AWAY FROM MY ROOM!!!" Deidara wrathfully threw a fat owl clay bomb, but Tobi sprayed some water on the clay and the bird dropped into a puddle of shit-like stuff. Tobi skipped away and laughed.

"HULLOOOO SASORI-SENPAI!!! MAINTENANCE TODAY! AND THERE'S A COOL CHUCKY PUPPET OFFER IN EBAY!!"

Sasori screamed at the word Chucky. He was highly traumatic of that movie he watched with the rest last night. And because of that, Sasori spent his whole sleepless night, fearing over Chucky.

"BUENOS DIAZ, HIDAN-SENPAI!!! DON'T FORGET TO USE THE FLOOR FRESHENER WHEN YOU MOP!!! YOUR BLOOD SMELLS LIKE UNBATHED ELEPHANTS!!!"

"Shut the crappy mouth up!"

"TEMPER! TEMPER!!! SAY HELLO TO BUCKTOOTH FOR TOBI!!!"

"Bucktooth? My child ain't bucktooth!"

Tobi skipped away and laughed.

"TOOBIII!!! YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!" Hidan and Deidara screamed and barged into Tobi's room, finidng him asleep and not even bother to make sense of everything.

"Huh? Changing turns already?" Tobi asked. The first thing he realized was Hidan choking him. Clay birds were flying around him.

"You ruined my bombs!" Deidara shouted.

"You call my child-to-be Bucktooth! I can't accept that!" Hidan growled.

"DIE!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

Boom! Whack! Wallop! Pssh…

Tobi dropped to the floor as Hidan and Deidara left, slamming the door closed. "Ugh…"

Madara whistled. "How ya feelin', matey? That look hurts."

"It is… Madara, what happened?"

"Nothing. I was asleep when they came in and I rushed to under the bed. I can't be seen remember?"

"Why is Tobi's mask feels uncomfortable?"

"Actually, I was the one who did the wake up call. But I think I can't do it as good as you. Hmph, I am not you after all."

"Thanks for the help but…Tobi is hurt…"

"Aw…it's OK, it's gonna get better eventually. Here, let me borrow your mask. You just get a rest."

Tobi awkwardly climbed onto the bed and went back to recovery sleep.

As you all would've guessed, Madara made a total mess in the dining room and teased Deidara and Hidan a lot. He only ate a toast, but for Madara that was enough. Madara was actually a lack-eater, unlike Tobi who ate a lot. He even ate _and _running at the _same time._ The dining room had never been this ruckus before, even with Tobi.

Madara went back to his room, cackling his head off and put off Tobi's mask. His constant laughing woke Tobi up.

"What's the matter, Madara? You seem to have much fun." Tobi powerlessly spoke. Tobi sat and his legs hung on the side of the bed.

"Yeah, there was fun. No wonder you like Deidara so much, he is a funny young man." Madara then took something from the pocket of his Akatsuki red-and-black cloak and handed it to Tobi. It was a sack of ice. "Here. That bump on your forehead was so damn big. Use it to cool it down."

Tobi's arms were fidgeting, but Tobi managed to hold it to himself. He smiled adorably and said, "Thank you, Madara."

To Tobi's unexpectation, Madara smiled back; though it was still a bit connected to his usual diabolical smile, but it was different. Madara replied, "Don't mention it, bub."

"Aw, aren't you two just so sweet?" Kisame cooed and laughed. "So, how was your fun time in the carnival yesterday? I heard from Kakuzu you two had fun."

"Well, yeah, it was OK. The Reaper's Rail was awesome!" Madara said.

"No. Alice in Wonderland was the one that's awesome!" Tobi retorted. "The invisible cat looked really real! I thought it really disappeared."

"Bah! That one sucks!"

"And how about your photo with Zetsu?" asked Itachi, triggering the grudging mode of Madara.

"Tobi…you've erased it, didn't you?" Madara hissed.

"Tobi removed it to the laptop. Don't worry, Madara, it's a secret!"

Madara gave Tobi a convincing threatening look that says, "Lie to me and I will lock you forever!" and went to the drawer and took out the laptop. Just for your information, Madara and Tobi had different usernames in the laptop. That was because Madara didn't want Fairly Odd Parents for wallpaper while Tobi didn't want Die Hard 4.0 or 300 for wallpaper.

"Can we see it, please?" Kisame pleaded. His request was sharply declined by Madara but he didn't protest. "Oh well. Right. Back to our purpose here!"

"What? But guys, we don't have anyone else to spy. Zetsu was the last." Konan said. First thing she got was stern look from Kakuzu beside her. Then the others followed, except Tobi who didn't stare at her sternly.

"Konan…" the bigger guys mumbled.

"NO! No one can spy my Googley Bear! No one! No one! NO ONE!!" Konan shouted. However, no matter how much she protested, she was obviously outnumbered.

"Kisame, hold her. Kakuzu, tie her up. Itachi, use Tsukuyomi and stone her. I will have to lock her in the closet." Madara commanded and the boys happily did their job.

"AAAAAAHHHH!! Get away from me, jeezers!!" Konan screamed. She struggled and found herself staring at Itachi's Mangekyo Sharingan. It didn't take long until she dropped to the floor daydreaming and talking nonsenses to herself.

"Aren't you too hard on her, Madara?" Tobi asked, concern about the cook's condition.

"If you feel so sorry, why don't you just sit there keep her accompany?" Madara turned to the rest of the squad and announced, "Today's the day! Shall we spy on Pein!" Madara whooped and rushed to a corner. The squad, including Tobi, who just realized who the target was, followed him quickly.

"Don't forget me." added an additional member.

"Zetsu? What are you doing here? You can spy him directly in his room."

"That's the problem. Pein always know that I'm around. This way, I might be able to spy him like I always dreamed of."

"I? You mean we? Don't forget me: your smarter and darker side!"

"Oops, sorry."

Kisame nudged Madara, "They're as wacky as you and Tobi when you two haven't separated."

"Don't compare us, dammit. Well, what are we waiting for? Pein is there already."

* * *

Pein did a mid-long hand seals and a secret entrance was opened, letting his other five paths to step in to his personal place of privacy. The Six Paths of Pein had gathered.

"Monday again, huh?" the one with smooth weird-shaped bald head, Asura, groaned. He totally hated Mondays.

"Aren't you supposed to be working, Deva?" asked the fat path, Preta. By the way, Deva was the name of the Yahiko Pein aka as how the girls say it: the cute/hot Pein.

Deva frowned and dug his toes in the carpet. "I'm too tired to work. Anyway, why is it _me_ who did all the work? Why can't we switch places like we did when we were fighting? This is so unfair!" Deva whined. The bulky spike-haired path, Naraka, opened his mouth, but Deva interrupted him, "Wait, let me guess… because I'm the youngest Pein? Is that it?"

"There you know it. Now go back to work and let us sleep again!" Asura scowled and turned back. But Deva stopped them again.

"Wait! Can't we just…chill out together?" Deva asked meekly.

"Chill out as in…?" Animal, the path that looked like Deidara, asked. The word 'chill out' triggered his spirits.

"We, uh, play something? How about Monopoly?"

"I'M IN!!!" Animal cheered. This one loved Monopoly, since he was the one who was expert with moneys.

The long-haired path, Human, shrugged and said, "Well, I guess there's nothing bad about it. I don't have to spend rest of my time sleeping anyway. C'mon, Asura, you and your sleepy ass must move and have some excercise."

"You call Monopoly exercise? Bah, don't make me laugh."

The Six Paths of Pein pulled Deva's working table and unfold the Monopoly board. Animal divided the money equally, not dare to cheat since Human could tell by reading his mind. Preta and Naraka fought over the ship piece. Asura, pissed already, separated them both and took the ship for himself, exchanging his previously chosen hat piece with it. Soon, the six sat and Naraka got have his first move.

* * *

"Monopoly? That game is still in trend?" Madara asked in disbelief.

"It is, as long the producers of Monopoly always have something new to make a Monopoly out of. Like the Terminator version." Kisame answered.

"Terminator? What the frag would they do with Terminator? What will they buy? Arnold Schwarzenegger's half-robotic face? John Connor's boxers?"

"Don't ask me. I just saw it, never actually play it. I did saw the Dutch version though."

"Don't tell me they have the Disney collection version. In that one, we'll be able to buy Cinderella's Castle. Oh, or 100 Acres Woods along with Winnie the Pooh's house as the cheapest house in the district."

"Why not? Hey, that's actually a great idea."

"Oh my God!"

* * *

"I WIN!!!" Animal cheered.

"Yeah, again, as always." Naraka added, "That's not fair! You're the one that is good in counting money, not us! My specialty is technology!"

"And my specialty is in psychology. Most of all, sleeping stuffs." Asura groaned and rested his head on the table, preparing to sleep more.

"Well, we've entertained you enough. Can we go back now?" asked Naraka, now to Deva.

"It's still morning. Can't we play more?" Deva begged. He knelt and pulled Naraka's bottom of the cloak. "Please?"

"Dude! So much for your leadership figure!"

"Oh, Shmoopsie Poo! Googley Bear needs your help begging us to play with him!" Human playfully sang and Animal laughed at his joke.

"Shut up, Human! It's not funny! And don't make me look bad in front of my girlfriend!" Finally, Deva gave up. He let his hands off Naraka's cloak and stood, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Fine, then. I will play Guitar Hero by myself!"

All paths including Asura whipped their heads towards Deva. Guitar Hero, apparently, was their dream game to play, and Deva has has it for a long time now. "You have it?!" they exclaimed.

"Yeah, been playing it for a while now. But since you guys are much more interested in sleeping and daydreaming, I'll just play it alone."

"Wait! I'll play it! Anything for Guiter Hero!" Preta raised his hands.

"Good, then let's rock n' roll!" Deva grinned, Yahiko's grin.

* * *

The I Spy Squad rubbed their eyes. Nope, they didn't see wrong; it was all as real as hell. "He…he…" Zetsu stammered.

"Pein-sama just grinned like a little kid!" Kisame gasped in surprise.

"That grin just reminds me of the Kyuubi kid." added Itachi.

"Now that you say it, you're right! No wonder Konan loved him so much!"

"Hey, Tobi, check on Konan. Is she still in trance?" Madara asked.

Tobi went to the closet and peeked through the small opening on the door. "Yep, Konan-chan's asleep and mumbles something about…what?" Tobi scratched the back of his head and head back to Madara. "She said something about Pein-sama."

"What is that?"

"Tobi doesn't know, but it ends with a 'K'. Madara, do you know?"

Madara glanced at Itachi rather suspiciously. "Kid, what did you give her with your Tsukuyomi?"

"I just gave her 72 hours of doing 'stuff' together with Pein. That should shut her down until Pein starts his work again and also to reduce the amount of screaming."

"Ah, nice thinking."

"Tobi still don't get it."

"Argh! Would you just grow up?!"

* * *

"Dammit, Preta! You're good! Look! You got the highest score!" Deva said, amazed by Preta's greatness in playing virtual guitar. Deva was just below him.

"I'm surprised too! I never thought I would be so good in this." Preta chuckled. "Asura! You're not bad yourself! Your score is just two points lower than Deva!"

"Yeah, not bad at all. At least you have something that's not as ridiculous as Monopoly, Deva."

"You do like all his PS games, Asura, especially King Kong." Human said coldly.

"Shut up! I only like first-person shooting games, so it's not surprising if I like King Kong and Terminator! Well, unlike Animal there who prefers soppy RPG games like…what the hell…Harvest Moon or Kingdom Hearts."

"But they're famous!" Animal retorted, despite being not the youngest, yet he acted like the youngest.

"Zip it, Beasty!"

"Stop calling me that! Baldy!"

"You wanna piece of me, eh, Deidara's Twin?"

"Bring it on, Blob Face!" Animal used the summoning jutsu and called the multiple-headed dog. I didn't know what Asura's power was so I just gonna skip the fighting. The point is, the fighting was way damn serious, and Pein's room was positively going down. Deva used the table to protect him and the non-fighting paths under it.

"Asura, you provocating son of a bitch…" Deva swore under his breath.

* * *

"Gentlemen, we got ourselves a Smackdown Ring in our base." Kakuzu remarked, amazed by the huge damage the Peins were causing. Even Deidara and Sasori's cat fight didn't go that far. Kakuzu, of course, never fight—except bullying Hidan—since _he _was the financial manager of the organization.

"Heh, nice one, Bullseye." Madara replied, patting Kakuzu's back.

"The hell you call me 'Bullseye'?" asked Kakuzu, one eye squinting.

"Because you call me Kingpin. Twice in the story, hundreds during the chapter skip. I think it's fair, and we're both become famous supervillains." Madara replied with a smirk. Kakuzu nodded in understanding and accepted Madara's nickname for him.

Tobi raised and waved his hand vigorously.

"What?"

"Can Tobi be Daredevil?"

"No—sorry—but you just don't suit him. I know who suits."

"Who?"

Madara silently pointed at Itachi who fortunately didn't notice it and was eating chocolate. Tobi cocked his head and mouthed, "Why him?"

Madara waved his hands in front of his eyes, indicating Itachi's blindness. Kisame saw that and massaged his temples wearily. Madara himself knew that if he stated Itachi's blindness out loud, the base will be as damaged as Pein's room. Tobi understood and nodded, just in time when Itachi became aware of his surrounding.

"Did I miss something?" he asked.

"No, Itachi-san, Tobi was just speaking of adult stuffs again so Madara had to whisper with him." Kisame answered and together protect the others from Itachi's wrath.

"AAAAHHHH!!!!" screamed Konan and she pounced out of the closet for some reason yet to be explained. "Huh? Where…? Why am I tied by a rope? What are you guys doing? OH! You guys are spying on Pein!!! Get back here!!!" Konan's papers disintegrated from her and cut through the rope, releasing her.

Madara quickly shut the laptop and he and Tobi protected their most precious property behind their back as a berserk blue-haired woman started to rampaging at them. Tobi was scared and jumped at Madara for dear life, screaming like some dying rooster.

"Madara! RUN! RUN! RUN!" Tobi screamed.

"How am I supposed to run when I have you hanging around my pelvis!?!?" Madara shouted desperately as he himself wanted to get away from there. He may survive the mayhem, but his laptop cannot. "Hey, Kakuzu! Help me here will ya?!"

"Konan-chan is going to destroy a lot of walls!!!" Tobi shouted, adding Madara's request of help a little more convincing detail.

"Ah! No money wasting, woman!" Kakuzu hopped and caught Konan. "Itachi, now! Use Tsukuyomi again!"

"Again?"

"Do you wanna live or not?"

Stupid Itachi, he took a minute and think. Actually, there were some things in the world that made him wanted to die. Like: jobs, the false accusations that say him of being emo which he was not, his dream of heaven. Kisame entered his muse and whispered, "Sasuke's eyeballs and Willy Wonka's chocolate factory." In a sudden, Itachi's crimson Sharingan lit up with fire of love…of chocolate and sweets.

"BY THE NAME OF SUGAR!!!" he hollered dynamically and with the same power, he stared at Konan's red-with-anger eyes with his red-because-of-natural-genetic-engineering and began the dangerous jutsu. Konan screamed.

Deva Pein heard Konan's scream of distress and revealed himself from under the table he used to guard himself up. "Konan is in danger! This is the job for Pein!!!" Deva Pein rushed out the door and marathoned to Madara and Tobi's room.

"Don't you mean 'Googley Bear'?" Human laughed at Deva's superheroic action before some boulder fell on top of his head, knocking him out cold.

"Don't you mean 'OUCH!'?" Naraka teased. He and Preta high-fived.

"Shmoopsie Poo!" Pein shouted.

"Oh boy, here comes doomsday…" Madara moaned. At times like this, he wished he was alone so he could cry.

"ARGH! What did you do to my girlfriend?!" Pein shouted. His brows furrowed, sending jolts of fear at Kakuzu and Kisame. Itachi just yawned; Tobi was scared from the first place; Madara was depressed; Zetsu…his white side looked scared enough. "Let go off her!" Pein roared.

"Chillax, boy. Konan just need some sleep." Madara said, he had lost ideas of excuses.

"You!" Pein aimed his Rinnegan at the real leader, causing Madara to jump startled. "You began all these things! Are you gonna rape her or something, punk?"

Madara felt like Tobi's arms choked him, while they were nowhere near his neck, when he heard Pein said the above sentence. "Wha-what?! Me? Raping your girlfriend? Shucks! I'd rather go with the biggest porn star! Not her!"

"Are you saying she's ugly?"

"No, I didn't say she's ugly. In fact, she got hot body. I wonder where she got those cleavages."

"You _peeped_ her when she's naked?!?!?!"

"Oh well…Tobi, get off me!"

Pein roared in anger and there was energy surged circling around him, reminding us of Goku from Dragon Ball but with piercings.

"Oh shit…" Madara groaned. He had no choice but to change the genre into 'Action' for a few seconds. Now that Tobi was no longer clinging on him, Madara was free to move, and his first move was to use his teleportation jutsu and brought Pein outside the base. "C'mon now, Pein, it was just some misunderstanding!" Madara tried to defend himself as Pein started to use more jutsus at him.

"Misunderstanding? When you clearly spied on everybody?!"

"Eh? How did you know?"

"The laptop Tobi held…and the hidden camera on our summer photo…" Pein hissed.

"Aie, jinkies…" Madara cupped his chin. "Man, you think fucking fast."

"Madara…"

"Yeah?"

"You're gonna die."

Madara gulped but batted it off when Pein laughed evilly. "Look whose Dr. Doom now. You might as well take over my job, if I do die in this fight. So, boy, humor me." said Madara, trying to keep his cool.

"With pleasure…" Pein dashed and attacked, firstly using shuriken and kunai.

Madara took the assault lightly, as he still had no idea whether Pein was serious or not. However, after the few flying kunais and shurikens, he found out that Pein was deadly serious. Madara smirked; the intensity he used to play with has returned to him. Madara used the most basic Uchiha jutsu, Gokakyu. Needless to say, Pein could dodge it easily.

Zetsu was somewhere nearby, watching the real leader and the-leader-in-act fighting against each other. Flames scorching everywhere, forcing the bipolar to hide whenever Madara's fire elemental jutsu spread too far. "Whoa!!" he exclaimed. "They're serious."

"Pein does, but Madara was actually half-hearted. He's willing to fight only because he's having fun. He has no killing intentions right now. Unlike when I mocked him in the carnival." Black Zetsu explained.

"Ah, that explains…"

Well, but that was so much for Madara's halfhearted fight. He activated his eternal Mangekyo Sharingan and quickly launched the ultimate jutsu, Amaterasu. "Let's see how much you could stand Hell's fire, Pein." Madara muttered. Using one of his fingers, he wiped the tear blood from his eyes. "Stupid bloody crying…"

The black fire of hell extinguished. They said fighting fire with fire will only cause the fight to go even more, but in this case, fire against fire may even mean the death of both fires. Pein just used the same jutsu. "Surprised, old man?"

Madara sneered, rousing Pein's anger even more. "Rinnegan…I knew I made a right choice. With you in my hands, the world shall be conquered as easily as lolling your tongue."

"Don't make fun of me!" Pein snapped.

"Jeez, where did your sense of humor gone? Look, your girlfriend is OK, she's still alive! I can't believe a woman could turn you into becoming like this!"

"Konan is more than you think, jerk."

Madara than remembered Tobi blabbing about loving and being loved. Tobi always say that power of love was the strongest power in the world, but he didn't believe him. Now he just saw the fleshy evidence of it. He groaned, "I can't believe that kid knows better than me. This is embarrassing. And…is it just me or is the theme is getting soppy?"

"Deva!" Asura called from somewhere behind him. "Deva, stop! You're ruining yourself. Think about Konan, man."

"He got the point, kid. Anyway, your girlfriend is in her room. Rather than fighting against someone who can't even die, I think you better check her out." added Naraka.

Deva Pein's massive chakra surge softened and he followed Naraka to Konan's room. Deva didn't bother to take a last look at Madara who fell downright sitting. He sighed in relief, just when Tobi came up and called over him.

"Madara! Are you alright?" Tobi asked worried.

"What took you so long?" Madara asked heaving with displeased.

Tobi's spirits went down, "Sorry. It took a while to call the other paths of Pein-sama. But Madara is alright, right? No injuries?"

"No. I'm not hurt, but I'm tired and hungry. I used Amaterasu just know. So, can you grab me some food and drink while I wait till the situation below clears up?"

"OK." Tobi turned and went to the kitchen. Deidara asked him why he took some pizza for and Tobi just said it was for his early snack. "Here you go, Madara!"

Madara greedily ate the pizza while staring at the afternoon sky. Oh? Did spying Pein have to take few hours? Or was it Akatsuki had a late breakfast? Well, Tobi did wake up late today and Madara gladly did his job. Then resentfully, Madara called his clone-splitted-personality, "Hey, Tobi."

"Yeah?"

"You still remember about your big talks about love?"

"Ooh, yes! Tobi remembers it very clearly! It's—"

"OK, I get it already! And you know what; your eternal speech about it was proven to be…urgh…correct. I saw the proof when I fought Pein."

"WAAHOOOO!!!" Tobi cheered, to Madara's annoyance. "See? Tobi's a smart boy!"

"Yeah, yeah. Smarty pants…what do you want?"

"Tobi just want to be with Madara, sharing love to the world!" Tobi said happily, hugging Madara for the hundredth time of his life.

"If it's some gay relationship you want with me, I refuse! Go with Kakuzu or Deidara instead!" Madara struggled to push Tobi from him, but failed.

"Don't worry. Tobi is not interested in dating yet. Anyway, Madara is Tobi's brother! This is Tobi's brotherly love!" Tobi pressed his cheek against Madara and…you know how the Uchiha reacted.

"Goddammit! Move away! You're giving me cooties!" Madara cried.

"But cooties were caused by girls."

"Girls _and_ over-loving baby siblings!!!"

"But Tobi still can sleep with Madara, right?"

"That I have no choice…just as long you don't sleep on me like last night."

"Speak to yourself. Madara slept on Tobi! Tobi just returned the favor!"

"Return the favor, he says! GOD!!!" Madara hollered to the blue sky desperately and Tobi laughed at him. "Stop laughing or I'm gonna bite your head again!"

"Let's see about that!" Tobi made a head start and ran away as far as he could from Madara.

Madara smirked and stood. "You'll regret it when I catch you!" and 'The Creepiest Couple/Sibling/Friend/Whatever' chased at each other, well, at least until one of them dropped to the ground tired or caught.

* * *

**Yay! All Akatsuki was covered! But, hold your breath, people. I Spy is not over yet.**

**In case you haven't read the latest manga chapters, I suggest you check Wikipedia to tell you more about the Six Paths of Pein. I found Asura interesting to write about, maybe because he has a weird shape of head. And I don't know where the idea of Asura being a sleepy ass came from. Itachi is getting weird here...I did intentionally make Itachi a sugar-lover since he likes dango so much.**

**I'm glad to see people actually find Madara and Tobi's relationship interesting. But, just in case of misunderstanding, the pairing in this story are PeinXKonan, little ItaKisa (I like them), and HidanXuntold OC. Madara and Tobi is not going to be romantic pairing. I'm not good with romances anyway...sucks to be me.**


	10. Final Target!

**I Spy**

**Final Target!**

* * *

Madara's eyes flickered open; the ceiling said the morning greeting first to his eyes. He sighed, no Tobi's face in front of him today and that was good. Yesterday, after fighting against Pein, Madara and Tobi playfully chased each other. Madara caught Tobi and was about to head back, but Tobi insisted on spending more time outside the base. So they just basically walk and talk some stuff (Madara had to scamper a little from Tobi's bear hugs) until the sun was set and they arrived on some small shopping district. There, they had their dinner. When they got back, they went to sleep straight.

_Phew, glad none of us slept on top of each other tonight…_ Madara thought out of relief. He looked to the side of the bed where there was Tobi, sleeping soundly. Tobi was loud, as we know it, but every creature was silent when they were asleep—OK, maybe except Deidara, who talked in his sleep—and Tobi was, as people say it, sleep like a little angel. Madara smiled half-smirking, for he couldn't smile sweet; that annoying little faggot that always bear-hugged him was this adorable in his sleep. Absentmindedly, Madara reached out his hand and stroked Tobi's jet black hair.

It took him a while for him to compute at his own action. He twitched all of a sudden and yanked back his hand. He faced the other side and slapped his own forehead. "So this is how it feels like to sleep with a wife?" he whispered. "Darn! Madara! You're not flicking off your crush towards Anne Hathaway, are you?" he said to himself.

* * *

Pein sulked. Konan was fine, by the way, but Pein still has his grudges toward Madara. Not only had he hurt his girlfriend, but observing other people's life too? Right now, he was having a secret urgent meeting with the whole Akatsuki minus Tobi.

Deidara yawned. "So what's kicking, leader-sama? Is there a birth of the tenth Bijuu or something?"

"Deidara, you know the history! There are only 9 Bijuus." Sasori corrected.

"I know, I know, Chucky! But history could change, couldn't they? Time is still ticking."

"You got the point. Stop calling me Chucky! That punk freaked me out!!!"

"Silence!" Pein's command echoed throughout the meeting room. No one dared to talk after that. "Gentlemen, and Konan, we are here in a meeting to discuss something serious. It may not as serious as hunting the Jinchurikis down, but this incident is highly possible to give Akatsuki a bad name. Do you know what that is?"

No one talked, even those who had been joining Madara's little project.

Pein sighed, "I have to tell you guys something first. In case you don't know, Akatsuki was first built by a man of the same clan name as Itachi, Madara Uchiha. That guy, believe me seriously, is still alive."

"He's immortal?" asked Hidan, "Is he a Jashinist?"

"He's not. There was no such thing Jashinism when he was born." Itachi answered.

"He's immortality is not important. The thing is…he is the man behind Tobi's mask. He is Tobi's other personality." answered Pein; he paused to hear the gasps from the men, especially Deidara, Sasori, and Hidan. "That explains his habit of talking to himself. That's because he was talking to Madara."

"So…this incident you're talking about…has something to do with the Madara guy?" asked Sasori.

"Yes. Madara, he…" Pein gritted his teeth, something his men rarely saw. "He spied us. Using little cameras that were hidden in our summer photo. In _here!_" Pein slammed the summer photo from his room and the camera plopped out of Tobi's eye hole. Deidara, Sasori and Hidan were clearly shocked, while the I Spy Squad members made up their shocked face. Itachi, however, didn't have to work his muscles a lot.

"Wait," Deidara interrupted, "If this Madara guy was the founder of Akatsuki, then doesn't that makes him the boss of this organization?"

"I hate your question but, yes he is. I'm the second-in-command so you still have to obey me, especially in our payback mission!"

"Payback…mission?" Sasori questioned. "Hold on, I don't even know what he spied from me."

"Well, he spied all the things we did after breakfast. I don't know about you, but he spied me chilling out with the other paths of mine."

"Activities after breakfast…AH! That means he saw me playing my puppet show!!!" Sasori exclaimed.

"You…have a puppet show?" asked Kakuzu, who hasn't join Madara's club that day.

"Never mind that! Zip it!"

"Then he saw me make—ahem, never mind." Hidan wondered, but cancelled.

"He…saw me changing my clothes…" Konan admitted. After that she swore curses to herself for telling it and caused her boyfriend to nosebleed.

Scrambling to stand straight again, Pein said, "That's why…I have a plan to pay him back by spying his activities after breakfast. Here, I borrowed Deidara's camera for this event!"

"Oh. Hey! That's mine!! You took it from me!"

"Don't you just _love_ paying back, Deidara?" Pein asked persuasively.

"Yeah, since you put it that way…"

"We're going to have our revenge. Who's with me?" Pein held out his hand. Hidan, Deidara, Konan, and Sasori put theirs on top of his. Konan did because she loved Pein and didn't want to disappoint him. Kakuzu, Kisame, Zetsu and Itachi hesitated. Pein's vengeful glare made them feel more endangered.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, trying to cover any suspicion of him. "Do we have to be some kind, I dunno, a desperate basket ball team?"

"Are you betraying me?"

"N-no! It's just…Goddammit…" Kakuzu frowned and put his hand on top of the others.

"I don't really mind this but…I do this because I obey you, leader-sama." Kisame said and put his hands on top of the others. Zetsu put his hand on the others without speaking, and there was only Itachi left.

The younger Uchiha cocked his eyebrow.

Konan was biting her lip in nervousness. She mentally cursed Itachi for being so uncooperative to the 'let's cheer' hand-piling.

"You gotta be kidding me…" Itachi remarked.

Pein snarled.

"Can't we just take a glass and have a beer toast?" the Uchiha whined slightly. Kakuzu was face-palming.

Pein growled.

"How about we have a cigar? That sounds more mafia-ish."

Pein nearly roared.

"Itachi-san, please! Just do it! For cocoa bean's sake!" Kisame begged. There was nothing more frightful than Pein's wrath.

"OK! Fine! GAH! I'm gonna wash my hands 27 times after this." Itachi _finally_ put his hand down on top of the pile of hands (too many hands).

And Maito Gai-like, Pein cheered, "GO AKATSUKI!!!"

"LET'S GO!!!" Deidara, Sasori, and Hidan cheered after him, they seem OK with it. By this time, Itachi was about to barf. Kakuzu replied, "Yeah, whatever." to Pein's spirited football cheer.

* * *

Tobi groaned and found that Madara was sitting on the edge of the bed. He rubbed the drowsiness from his eyes and said, "Madara? You're up early." Then he yawned. Then he…panicked. "OH MY GOSH!!! TOBI'S LATE TO WAKE THE OTHERS!!!"

"No need to wake them up, bub." Madara said, cutting the panicky out of Tobi.

"Huh? They're all up?"

"I guess so. In fact, I think they're all gone to missions already, save for us—I mean, you." Madara handed a plate full of toast which he had to make by himself, since Konan was gone to a mission too. "Here. It maybe not as good as Konan's but that's how I always made it when I was a kid."

"Whoa! Madara made breakfast? So the base is completely empty?" asked Tobi.

"Uh huh…no traces of life, even Zetsu's."

"You know what that means, Madara?"

"What?" Madara asked rather carefully. _I hope it's not something…disgusting._

"We can watch movies!!! And…today is the premier of 'I Am Legend'!!"

Madara's face lit up, but he frowned for a while only to ask, "It's…not a hoax, right?"

"Nope! Tobi swears this one isn't a lie!"

"Well, what are we waiting for?! Oh, wait! I ain't going out the room with _your_ pajama pants!" Madara quickly wore his daily long black pants but the top remained his pajamas. "OK, let's shoot some zombies!"

"YAAY!!!" Both Tobi and Madara ran out of their room, without have to fear of getting busted by the others, which we know was completely false.

Madara hopped onto the sofa and clicked the button of the remote and set to a movie channel. But what he saw was disappointing him. "Tobi!" he yowled, "You lied to me!"

"No! It's real!" Tobi retorted he stepped closer to the sofa and noticed the mistake. "Madara, it's Star Movies…"

"Yeah?"

"It's in HBO."

"You should've told me earlier!" Madara switched the channel. "Phew, haven't missed a minute. Thank God."

"Popcorn?"

"When did you make that?"

"Tobi didn't. It was in the microwave for a long time, Tobi guesses."

"Perhaps someone forgets their brunch. Oh well, sit and enjoy, boy!"

* * *

"That's my popcorn!!!" Deidara wailed. He got stifled by Sasori covering over his mouth and shushed him.

"Goddammit! We're basically still in the base, y'know! So shut your multiple mouths up!" Sasori scolded, half-whispering.

Deidara sniffled, "That brat stole my popcorn…that was my brunch…"

Pein talked to the mouthpiece circled around his head, "Zetsu, how are you there?"

"Terrified." answered Zetsu's struggling whisper. "I'm so afraid he's gonna bust me up."

"Ha! You're such a coward." Black Zetsu barged in. He on the other hand only mumbled.

"I'm not a coward, dammit! You remember how terrifying Madara was when he lost his temper. Even with Tobi's begging and puppy eyes, Madara would never give us mercy until he was satisfied. I don't even know when he will be satisfied. It's good we have regeneration abilities, but still…losing you for a few moments back then creeps me out."

"What the fuck are you talking about? I didn't go anywhere even for a minute!"

"See?! He also damaged your memory cell!"

Pein rolled his eyes as both halves of Zetsu argued about forgetting and remembering. They made him so sick that he growled at them through the mouthpiece, "Would you joined up couples shut up?! Tobi just gave a reaction towards your schmaltzy bellyache!"

"Oh, sorry."

* * *

"Madara…?"

"Hmm?"

"Tobi thinks Tobi heard someone's talking."

"Are you developing a new split personality? I just hope he or she is a fun person."

"Not that! Tobi means like we're not alone in the base."

"Bah! You probably take the movie way too seriously. Orochimaru may be able to create zombies, but why the heck would he come back to this stinkin' place?" Madara asked casually.

"Um…remember the verse Tobi sang?"

Madara stunned. He then cleared his throat and said, "Well, it's impossible for him to hear it! I mean, he's leagues away from here!"

Another ninety minutes, and the movie showed off its credits. Madara was fully satisfied by the outcome of the movie. "That was awesome! Can you imagine if Konoha got attacked by zombies? Crap! I wish this movie came sooner! I would've annihilated the Uchiha clan using them!" when he finished talking, Madara realized that Tobi had been hanging to him. "Please…zombies chickened you out too?"

"That zombie was scarier than the pirate ghost in the carnival." Tobi stuttered. He slowly let go of Madara and breathed deeply to ease his fears of zombies.

"God…I'm a rash man with a cowardly alter ego. I might as well call you Scooby-Doo."

Tobi hunched in shame. This reaction startled Madara, as Tobi never looked so down even after he threw out the worst taunting he ever said. Other than that, Madara comprehended one thing else. "Tobi…do we…know each other…before?"

"Huh? Does Tobi remind Madara of Izuna?"

Madara's face fell, his brows furrowed. "Not that crackpot brother of mine! Someone else…" Madara suddenly shut his eyes and laughed bitterly.

"Madara? You're acting weird…"

Madara swayed his hands lazily, "Nothing. Probably that was a dream. Well, when your life is full of insanity, you'll mix reality and fantasy into something that you only see in movies into an offspring. That offspring is you." Madara poked Tobi's forehead using to of his fingers, like Itachi used to do at Sasuke.

Tobi grinned and chuckled goofily. He grunted to the pull of his wrist by Madara. "Hey, where are we going?"

"To a secret place that only I know!"

* * *

"Aw…" Konan exhaled.

"Ahem." Pein coughed on purpose.

"Oh, uh, I mean…Ew…?" Konan face-palmed. "Admit it, honey, they're cute! I mean, they have a cute relationship! They look like brothers but they're not! It's just…something so adorable I wanna shed tears…"

"I see nothing heart-touching from that freak."

"Pein! You gotta let it go! It's not like you to have revenge on someone!"

Pein pouted and closed his ears. "I'm not listening…"

"PEIN!!!!"

"Ssh…Konan! Be quiet. Hey, Itachi-san? Haven't finish cleaning your hands?" asked Kisame.

"I don't think I will ever finish!" Itachi snarled.

Kisame sighed in despair. Meanwhile, Hidan asked, "Where's that Madara guy going? Zetsu, do you catch anything?"

"I'm following right now. The room seemed to be much classified. This is gonna be fun!"

Konan scooted to the side, a little far away from Pein and mumbled, "Fine, we're breaking up."

"What? Shmoopsie Poo!"

"That's for being such a blockhead!"

* * *

Madara brought Tobi to the end of the room corridor and revealed a secret stairs to a dark room upstairs. The tunnel to the way was completely dark, but Madara found a switch and there goes lights!

"Whoa!" Tobi exclaimed. "Where are we going?"

"To the 'attic'. At least that's how an ordinary house calls it." Madara answered. He lead Tobi further to the attic. Once they got there, the orange masked boy was speechless.

Madara chuckled, "This is where I stored my old-school stuffs. Including that Uchiha symbolic T-shirt. I also have traditional toys, in case you're wondering."

"Wow! How come Tobi never knows about these?"

"You sorta 'born' just about a year ago, remember? I never went here for years. 2001 was the last time I cleaned this place and bought—hey, there you are! Missed me?" Madara squatted before a little robot whose job was to clean everything in that place.

"Ooh! Cute! Where did you get it, Madara?"

"Actually, I stole it from a hardware store three years ago. He's very handy, and his name is Flarg."

While Tobi introduced himself to Flarg (who vacuum cleaned his hand instead of shaking it) and went to the ancient toy box, Madara went to the huge chest of his teenage life. He still remembered the 6-digit number combination he put on that chest. It was 0-0-7-6-6-6. That simple, Madara's favorite number. It also has a meaning: 'James bond from hell'.

He pushed the chest up open and once again reunited with his out-of-dated stuffs. There were sixties stuffs, seventies stuffs, eighties stuffs, The Beatles records (he couldn't believe he used to love The Beatles), Frank Sinatra (now he really hated it), Marilyn Monroe (_What the hell?!_, he thought), and the newest, most recent stuff he had put inside was his Take That and Spice Girls cassettes plus few other 90's bands.

Tobi observed the remnants more and saw Madara's old armor when he was still fighting alongside Shodaime Hokage, Hashirama Senju. There were no photos, considering that during his childhood times there were no cameras yet. Ninety years ago…what would there be? There was a sketch and a painting of young Madara. Tobi's shoulders shook briskly; he was holding a laugh that he knew might be too loud to project. _Look at his hair!!!_ That was what he was laughing about. Now Madara had the modern short haircut and everybody might say he looked way better like this.

Madara found a well preserved pile of yellowed papers on the bottom of the chest. He couldn't believe it; Madara slapped his forehead. "My God…" he murmured. "My childhood diary."

"Diary? Where?"

"Get away! You can't read it! It's mine!"

"C'mon! Tobi wants to see it too!"

"No! Just go and laugh your ass off at my old-fashioned-self!!!"

"Already."

"What?"

"Madara looked like the Rolling Stones." Tobi doubled over and guffawed. Embarrassed, Madara lightly kicked Tobi's side, but the kid didn't aware that he was being kicked.

Madara sat somewhere in the corner and silently read his early entries. His first comment: _Darn, my handwriting sucks, my vocabs are obsolete, but my grammar's amazing._

* * *

_March 29__th__, 1925_

_The kids keep saying I'm a weird boy. I dunno why, I think I'm fine. Could it be because of my red eyes? It is not my fault if I have it! It's just like I'm sort of a…special kind of person. And it's not just me! Izuna have those eyes too! It's unfair if I'm the only one got taunted!_

_I decided to cast myself away from them. In fact I started to dislike them. They are all blind fools; one day I swear, I will have the world for myself and for my family. Izuna is going to help me. We are going to be the most unbeatable pair the world has ever seen._

_Then I saw someone talking to me. He just appeared. Strangely, he looked like me, he has the same face as I. He was a funny guy. He always jokes around and he gave me all the spirits I need to roll over the kids that have been mocking me. We introduced ourselves and I found out that his name was Tobi._

* * *

Madara stunned again. The stun reaction was not only of surprise, but he was trying to remember it. Yes. That was it. You got the answer, Madara.

"Tobi!" Madara called aloud.

Tobi had stopped laughing few seconds ago. He looked at Madara with huge confusion. "What's the matter, Madara? Tobi didn't do anything wrong, right?"

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. Actually, I just found out where you came from and how the hell your name suddenly popped out in my head." Madara said. He held high his journal, "The journal I have here said that you were my…" Madara hesitated, "…my…imaginary friend."

"Imaginary friend? Like Bloo, Wilt, Coco, and Eduardo?"

Madara cocked his eyebrow. "What the frag are you talking about?"

"Tobi was an imaginary friend? That's so cool!!! Oh, how about the mask? Did Tobi wear mask years ago?"

"No. That mask was new. That mask actually came when I was sitting in a pumpkin field listening to Smashing Pumpkins during Halloween, writing a gore story from Saw. Then I came with the idea of hiding in between my 'employees' using a cheerful façade and I need a mask to cover my face. Then, there came your mask. Pumpkin-like."

"So…Tobi's mask is made during a ghostly day when you're writing gore story? AAAHH!! Bewitched mask!"

"It's not bewitched! I spent three days carving it!"

"Oh, OK. So does that makes us related?" Tobi asked hopefully. His eyes shimmered sentimentally.

"No! As I told you back on those days, I'm neither your twin nor your brother! We're just…accidental friends. Friends who got stuck in the same room since we came from the same body after all!"

"That's still fine. And, hey, that's still related you know. Friendship is a relationship. Even loyalty is a relationship." Tobi answered. His goofy grin shone.

"I hate talking about relationships…" Madara smelled his own arm and noticed how bad he smelled. "Ugh, before eating some food, I'm gonna take a bath. And you, Pumpkin Mask, come down with me. I don't want you reading my childhood journal!"

"Okey dokey! Tobi borrow Madara's PSP!"

"Yeah, go ahead! Don't break it!"

* * *

"OK. Pein-sama, who should we follow?" White Zetsu asked.

"Madara!" Black Zetsu answered.

"Ew, no!" Konan retorted.

"She's right. I'm not going to see that guy's crotch, hell no!" Pein added.

"So does that means we're gonna watch Tobi?" asked Hidan, bored from the beginning of 'Attic Explore' scene.

"What is he doing?"

"Playing Madara's PSP. Oh wait! He's coming out!"

Tobi hummed Fairly Odd Parents' theme song as he walked to the kitchen, looking for lunch. As he walked, he still played Madara's PSP gleefully. The path to the kitchen passed in front of the big bathroom of Akatsuki. When Tobi passed in front of the door, it opened and snatched Tobi in.

"AAARGH!"

Zetsu's eyes bulged.

"Holy shit!" Zetsu swore.

"HOLY SHIT!!!" the others followed.

"Dude! What are they doing in there? OMG, my mind is full of sick images!!!" Kisame exclaimed, gripping his head tightly.

"I thought Itachi was weird, but this guy is weird meets fiction!" Deidara remarked. In return, he received a nasty beat-up by Itachi.

"Zetsu..." Pein hesitantly asked, but before he finished, Zetsu had cut him off.

"No."

"Well...at least get closer so we can catch some noise, please?"

"Umh..."

"Do it, Jekyll." Black Zetsu commanded. "It ain't kill."

"Arg..."

Zetsu stepped closer and closer with careful duck steps until the camera was only few centimeters from the door. And...the first thing came from the door was, "Alrighty! It's a secret!"

"You just saying it out loud, idiot." Madara mumbled. "Right, I'll go..."

"D'oh! He's coming!"

* * *

Madara came out of the bathroom and he headed for the kitchen instead. Looks like it was Tobi's turn to take a bath. Zetsu followed stealthily and suddenly the camera dropped to the ground for no apparent reason. After a moment of diagonal viewing, the camera was set straight again.

Pein was eager to ask, but right now, Zetsu was really close to Madara who just opened the door to receive a pizza delivery.

"Madara, the pizza has come!" Tobi called. Oh. So that was Tobi, not Madara.

"I know. Just put it on the table. Let me set this one straight." Madara said. The camera then swung to see an unconscious Zetsu, drooling under Madara's Tsukuyomi. "I found this little culprit watching at me taking a bath. Glad Hidan wasn't here. Or else he's going to be so convinced that I, wait, I mean, we have a nice ass, right, Tobi?"

"Sure thing. C'mon, Madara, the pizza is getting cold!"

"Hold on a minute! I'm enjoying this!" Madara zoomed in on Zetsu's face and he chuckled darkly at it. "Such a sweet picture." Then the camera moved to the kitchen and dining room. Madara used the tripod to make it stand so that he can eat on the dining table with Tobi. "Ha-ha! We have two boxes here, wanna race?"

Tobi grinned. "Don't be sorry if you lose!" Tobi sang.

"I won't. I may be a lack-eater but I'll do anything for pizza."

Both split personalities glared at each other and...they eat! Fast! And unclean, of course. The sauce, pepperoni, onions, chicken, and the crust flew everywhere. Even some hit the camera. Not only the camera, other furniture and other stuffs were also got splattered by the pizza left-over. They splat on the fridge, Sasori's beloved chair, the stove, Kakuzu's coffee mug, Pein's cappuccino goblet (what kind of person drinks cappuccino with a goblet?), cooking pan, and of course, Zetsu's treasured table.

"NOOOOO!!!!" cried the rest of Akatsuki as they saw the doom of their eating and drinking equipments.

"My chair!!!" Sasori hollered gravely.

Eating was Tobi's number one specialty, so he won. Madara, on the other hand, was nearly dying.

"Crap, you won, kid."

"YAHOOO!!!"

Then Madara came up with another idea. "Hey, Tobi, since we're alone in here, what about we do the most fun thing in the world?"

"The most fun thing? I thought Madara thinks that fun is only for kids."

"Nah. I'm feeling like having fun today. Let's barge everyone's room! I know we did it during Operation I Spy, but looking at the real close-up would be much better. So, what do you say?" Madara winked at Tobi.

"Let's go!"Madara chuckled and rushed to the nearest room after the dining room, bringing along Deidara's hand-to-hand stolen camera. That unfortunate room was...Sasori's.

"Remember when you burned this place?"

Tobi hunched, "Tobi is not a bad boy! Anyway, Tobi only burn the broom! Sasori-senpai threw the broom to the puppets, not Tobi!"

"Yeah, you got that right. That makes us less guilty, isn't it?" Madara nudged Tobi's upper arm. "Say...how many puppets are there left in his gallery?" Madara put the tripod-enhanced camera on the door and went to Sasori's wardrobe. He opened it and took one. Using his other hand, Madara moved the puppet's mouth. "Howdy, y'all? Have been eatin' woods and termites, are we?"

Madara and Tobi laughed hysterically. Tobi rolled on the floor while Madara, overwhelmed by the hysteria, slammed the puppet he was holding to the wall, breaking its face.

"WINSLEEET!!!" Sasori wailed. He reached out his head, hoping as if he could zap from where he was to his room and save one of his favorite puppet.

"Winslet?" asked Deidara.

"What? I love Kate Winslet!"

"Fine…suit yourself…"

"Madara! Madara! Tobi wants to see Kisame-senpai's room! Tobi wants to meet Jimmy and Cleo!" Tobi called.

"Ah, that room! That place sounds very interesting. C'mon! Let's hit the gas and have a swim!"

"You're not thinking of flooding Kisame-senpai's room again, are you?" asked Tobi, but Madara only answered him with a rare grin.

"WOOOHOOO!!! Madara, do it again!!! Make a bigger wave this time!!" Tobi cheered.

Using Madara's Uchiha bloodline, he launched a water elemental jutsu and then made a huge Hawaiian wave using wind elemental jutsu. Of course, Madara had the chance to feel his own wave, he even scored better than Tobi.

Meanwhile, somewhere beneath the base…

"MY ROOM!!!" Kisame howled. His water chakra burst out through his tears, causing him to cry out a river.

Pein was climbing on Kakuzu's shoulder in order to save the laptop he borrowed from the masked guy. "I guess he's not the only one here whose furniture are being destroyed by our true leader, huh?"

Kakuzu gasped and put Pein on Hidan's shoulders instead.

"Yo! Where ya goin'?" asked the foul-mouthed fanatic worshipper of Jashin.

"Saving my bank book and my tigress! I have to put my safe under Code 4357!!!" Kakuzu hollered. As he opened the door, Akatsuki sighed in relief as Kisame's overflowing tears drained out.

"Um, what's Code 4357?" Konan asked.

"That's an emergency code for Kakuzu's safety box. If you check your phone buttons, you'll see that those numbers could be deciphered as 'HELP'." Hidan answered. As his partner, he surely remembered clearly every detail that Kakuzu had ever told him. That means there were still gazillions of details that Kakuzu haven't told anybody.

"Tobi, get ready for a low tide." Madara said. In count of three, he opened the door and the water siphoned off from Kisame's room, wonderfully collided with Kisame's tears. Madara and Tobi got washed away by the current and ended up, laughing so happily, outside the room.

"HAHAHA!!! So, Madara, who's next?" Tobi asked, whipping his soaking head.

"Dunno. You choose."

"Whee! Deidara-senpai's room!"

"Great choice! Let's rock!"

Deidara screeched like a little girl. "Not my room!"

"Oh boy. I think we're all doomed." Konan said.

In Deidara's room, Madara forced Tobi to eat jelly beans. Those were one out of four sweets that could cause sugar rush on Tobi. In Itachi's room, Madara 'accidentally' sneezed Hosenka on Itachi's beloved alligator pillow. In Kakuzu's room, they found no tigress and the room was completely bland so Madara just took Kakuzu's chips. Nice anticipation, Kakuzu! In Hidan's room, Tobi and Madara rocked together and banged their guitars on Hidan's room and left the remnants there. In Konan's room, Madara and Tobi groomed her Barbie and Ken dolls into Pink and Pete Wentz dolls. There was nothing to do in Zetsu's room so they left it alone. Now, there was only Pein's room and they were wondering what to do.

"Tobi can call the chipmunks!"

"No, too much poop. How about we have fire farting contest?"

"More like burping contest."

"I can't burp on my own!"

"Then what do we do?"

"Territory marking?"

"That sounds good. C'mon!"

"No! No! NO! That's it! We surrender! We're back from our mission! Please! Spare my room!" Pein barged out of the hiding place, kneeling and begging before the splits' toes.

"Pein-sama!" Tobi cheered. "Gee, Madara, you were right! They are at home!"

"I knew it from a long time ago! I knew this would happen, since Mister Deva here is a bucket mouth. Hey, Konan, Kakuzu, Itachi, Kisame, Zetsu!!! You guys are gonna pay for siding with him!" Madara called over his squad.

"You're gonna pay for the damage you caused to our rooms." Kakuzu grumbled.

"I've transferred the cash to your account, buddy."

Kakuzu's eyes beamed, "Ooh! Thanks!"

"Shmoopsie Poo! You betrayed me?!"

"I'll explain it later. And don't call me Shmoopsie Poo anymore, Pein, we broke up!"

Pein pouted childishly.

"So, Madara, the reason why you pull Tobi into the bathroom is because…?" asked Konan, ignoring Pein already.

"Why don't you look at the sneak peek?"

* * *

_Sneak peek._

"Whoa!!!" Tobi shouted as Madara's strong arms pulled him into the bathroom. "Madara? What is—" Madara clamped his mouth using his hand.

"SSHH!! There's something fishy with the silence in this base." Madara settled Tobi's head from looking down at his 'fruits'. Holding the blush, he whispered, "Listen, I know the others didn't leave for a mission. If they do, they will take you with them as well, since you were with Zetsu. So, my guess is that they're still here, in the base. I don't know exactly where, but they're hiding from us."

"Ooh! Like Madara and Tobi spying on them?"

"Exactly. And they couldn't have our cameras because our cameras were set and connected to our laptop only. So they must be sending Zetsu to spy on us. And my nose says he's right outside the bathroom, waiting either for me or you to get out of this place. Don't speak of this, you understand? It's a secret.

"Alrighty! It's a secret!"

"You just saying it out loud, idiot." Madara mumbled. "And stop looking at my stuff!" He snapped before he smirked, signaling Tobi that their plan had been initiated. "Right, I'll go..."

_End of Sneak Peek_

* * *

"Now bow to us or die!" Madara commanded.

"Us?" Hidan asked.

"Yeah, Tobi is now my assistant. Right, Tobi?" But Tobi had a long face. "Hey, what is it?"

"Madara…it's time." Tobi said sadly.

"What's time?"

"Tobi's time. Tobi will vanish. Tobi is just a clone, remember?"

Madara's face fell; he sank his chin to his chest. "Yeah, I know." he replied plainly.

"Aren't you happy, Madara? Madara won't have to worry on sleeping on top of Tobi again." Tobi giggled gingerly and it ended sourly as Tobi was growing somber and somber.

"Yeah, I'm happy…" Madara said, still plainly. A long awkward pause. Then Madara added, "I'm happy…to have spent so much fun time with you…Tobi."

Tobi raised his head slightly. Hope was in his eyes.

Madara scratched the back of his head and gulped his embarrassment. "Um…I just wanna say… Thanks…" Tobi unfold his arms but Madara blocked them. "No hugs please…"

"Oh. Alright…" Tobi grew somber again.

Madara gritted his teeth. "OK. One last hug!"

Delighted, Tobi flung his arms around Madara's shoulders and Madara around Tobi's back. Tobi whispered, "This is the greatest time in Tobi's life."

Madara automatically pulled a soft smile for the first time. He held Tobi closer until _poof!_ Tobi was gone into a grayish white smoke. Konan wiped her eyes using her sleeves as she watched the poignant scene.

"You two…" Sniff. "…are the cutest couple/sibling/friend/whatever that I've ever seen!" Konan blew her nose which made sound like a squished duck.

"I have to agree." added Kisame.

"Actually, I've realized what we are." said Madara, his voice shallow and deep. "We are…_family._" Madara fell with a thump to his front for no current reason. The Akatsuki stood before them, calling his name in (at least some of them) semi-concerned.

* * *

"Hey, hey, I think he's regaining conscience! Quiet, you guys!" Konan whispered.

"Why should we be quiet when he's awake?" mumbled Hidan.

Konan glared him, causing Hidan to zip and glued his mouth shut.

"Madara? Are you…OK?"

Madara groaned and his eyelids were opened. "I must have worn myself really bad. That was too much fun to be contained in one day."

"Huh? Are you saying you're not fainting because of Tobi?" asked Itachi who still remembered the scene where Madara fainted in fright when he saw Tobi becoming real due to his mistake.

"No. He has nothing to do with it. I am tired after all the craziness we did in your rooms." Madara put a hand on his head and said, "Hey, Tobi, if you can hear me in there, say something."

"**Thanks for defending Tobi, Madara! Madara is a good boy!"**

"Ah, the usual. And, no, I wasn't defending you! Don't get too proud, Halloween!"

"**Stop calling Tobi with something pumpkin!"**

"But…you still remember how I got your mask, right?"

"**Don't mention it."**

"Fine, I'll shut up." Once he was finished talking, the Akatsuki stared at him oddly. He smirked, "Blank stares and a series of 'what the hell'. How I missed it so much! Hey, Deidara, do you still curious about Tobi's face now?"

"Oh uh, not anymore. But I hated the fact that you were an Uchiha." Deidara replied, ignoring the subtle glare from Itachi.

"I dunno how to react to that. I don't like my clan either, but I like the eyes they gave me." Madara dug his pockets and pulled out a sunglasses and a neurolizer. Kisame was about to shout warnings, but Madara threw the away, breaking them. "I don't need them anymore. This way, I might be able to control much better. Pein's work is too sluggish. But I'm too lazy to work now. Collonel, you take the charge." Madara stood and went to his room, giving a last wave for them.

Pein knew that Madara was referring to him, but he was too astonished to start working. "He's…talking to himself again." he muttered.

"I know, we all miss that." Kisame said. "Crap! We haven't told him to pay our damages yet!"

"Kakuzu, Madara said something about sending money to your account. It's for this, right?" asked Itachi coldly.

Pein glared at the financial manager. "Take the money now and start buy some raw materials for the repair. This is an order!"

Kakuzu hunched, "Aye, aye, Captain…"

* * *

_Few weeks later…_

"Are you done or not?" Kakuzu asked Hidan impatiently as his partner was just about to get done with his sacrifice ritual.

"OK, OK…There! I'm done!"

Kakuzu smirked, to Hidan's surprise.

"What? I don't like that look of yours."

"Nah, I'm just…looks like the-dad-to-be is working hard, eh? So have you decided a name? How about your baby's gender? Do you know it?"

"No clue at all. Shut up."

"Aw, I'm just so 'thrilled' to be an uncle, you know. I'm like near my first century and I haven't had a new family. I'm even a single child in my family and they are all long gone."

"I'm going to check later, but swear this: not to teach my-child-to-be anything about money manipulating." Hidan half-threatened.

"OK, deal. So does this means you're going to be complete straight or are you still a bi?"

Somewhat reflex to Kakuzu's question, Hidan tripped to a tree root and fell face first to the good earth. He whipped his head up and looked at Kakuzu fiercely, "You call me what?!"

"Nothing, nothing…bisex…"

"DIE YOU CRAP FACE!!!" Hidan furiously swung his scythe and start chasing at Kakuzu.

"Tempeeeer!" Kakuzu sang and laughed.

* * *

"You're buying Coca Cola Zero again, Itachi-san?" asked Kisame during their way back home from a mission.

"Madara's request. He likes it so much." Itachi replied resentfully. He hated to buy things which were not for him.

"Oh. Why doesn't he buy the normal one?"

"Because it causes Tobi to get mega hyper if he went to drink it for a snack."

"That's even worse than the jelly beans!"

"I know."

"**Madara, wake up!" **Tobi called.

"Augh…what is it, Tobi? Can't you see I'm enjoying my nap? I'm trying to get myself tanned under this sun!"

"**Don't you feel bored?"**

"Well, now that you mention it…it is kinda boring. We can't spy on anyone again, Tobi, all of the cameras are broken!" Madara groaned.

"**Madara! Kisame-senpai and Itachi-senpai has returned!!" **said Tobi gleefully. In Madara's head, he was jumping up and down.

"And my Coca Cola Zero!" Then Madara's eyes contracted a bit. "I got an idea!!!" Madara exclaimed and hopped to standing position. He made a short hand seal and _poof!_ Tobi appeared, yet again!

Tobi looked at his arms and feet. "Tobi's real!!!" Tobi flung his arms but cancelled it. "Oh, Madara hates bear-hugs, right?"

Madara skewed his eye a little before smirking and opened his arms for Tobi. "Nah, this one's OK."

"Waaaaiii!!!" Tobi quickly squished Madara using his arms. Madara surely choked, but Tobi was far too happy to notice that.

"I need you to do this one. Come here; let me tell you what to do." Tobi drew his ears closer to Madara's mouth so he could hear what he wanted to whisper about. In the end, they both giggled. Madara held his thumb up and Tobi held up his in response. Then the two hopped off from the top of their base to the woods Itachi and Kisame were surrounded in.

"Now that we're home, what are you gonna do?" Kisame asked, stretching his hands upwards.

"Why do you wanna know?" asked Itachi coldly.

"Uh, just wondering. You don't exactly have to answer it."

"Nah, that's fine. Since it's you, anyway."

"Wow, I'm honored."

"Well, I just—"

"Now, Tobi! Now!" Madara shouted within the woods.

Kisame saw something coming from the woods behind Itachi and Itachi saw something coming from the woods behind Kisame. That was what Madara and Tobi wanted from them and they swung using tree vines like Tarzan's twin sons and pushed the Quiet Duo's head forward causing their lips to collide—or, in short, kissed. And, obviously, they were utterly embarrassed. Itachi, with his face redder than his Sharingan, rolled his eyes upward and fell backwards while Kisame ran frantically in circles and his skin gone purple.

The now called twins laughed their heads off and rolled on the ground. Madara was so happy with the result; he even cried and cackled at the same time. Tobi hit the nearest tree without even hurting his skin.

Kisame, whose mind was stronger than the now fainting Itachi, puffed fury fumes from his ears and started chasing the twins and swinging his huge sword. "I'm gonna cut your heads off and eat it! I don't care if you're the leader or what, I'm still gonna cook you!!"

"AAHH! Madara! Get away from there!" Tobi pulled Madara and both sprinted away from the angry carnivorous fish-man.

"Hey, rather than chasing us, don't you think you should take care of that Itachi-san of yours? He might be eaten by vultures!" Madara shouted while keep running. "Oh, and thanks for buying me my Coca Cola Zero!!!"

Kisame paused, thunderstruck and turned back to Itachi, "Itachi-san! Don't die on me like this!" Kisame called over the unconscious Itachi.

Madara and Tobi laughed again. "That sure was fun." said Tobi. "Let's do it with Sasori-senpai and Deidara-senpai!"

"That's awesome! C'mon, let's go!"

Few minutes later, scream of horror echoed throughout the sky.

**)))-(((**

He loves sugar.

A true child-mental-disordered man.

He has all Madara's power.

He used to be no one, but an imagination.

He causes trouble in one's eyes, but fun in his eyes.

The person in front of Madara's diabolical grin.

The idiotic clown of Akatsuki.

He is Tobi.

_-The End-_**Hurray! The end! Aw, I'm gonna miss writing Madara and Tobi together like this! Sniffles...**

* * *

**Tobi: Tobi is gonna miss it too!**

**NXK: Gimme a hug, baby! (hugs Tobi and cried together. Madara comes in and NXK and Tobi stared at him with sad puppy eyes.)**

**Madara: (Eye twitching badly) No, not another hug. No!**

**NXK: Get him!! (NXK and Tobi punced on the defenseless Madara and cried together)**

**Madara: ACK! Get offa me!**

**Thank you for reading and staying tune with 'I Spy' It's been a great pleasure writing this story. All the Hollywood references... Anyway, I have a new project going on already, and this time it has nothing to do with Akatsuki. OK, they might be a cameo but not a leading role. Just 'I Spy' on me and you'll find out. See you later!**


End file.
